Quiet Day It Is Then...

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. And where you invest your love, you invest your life...

A very nice lyric that just floated over my iPod speakers and into my ears. It made me smile and feel good about myself. It's both a very depressing indie statement that I like all too much because it's attached to an upbeat melody, but it's also a very sweet confession of love and life and everything in between. 

Let's face it, its raining outside, and my friends all have work, what else am I going to do, but consult the musical realms and sit here and write - well I suppose I might make a breakfast in a bit, and watch Avengers/Les Mis...

Don't you find that forcing yourself to have a lie-in is one of the most painful ways of sleeping?

I'm hoping to finish Bute Wall (But-e-wall) later so you all might have little messages to my other blog (the writing one) where I keep my secrets. Or I might just email you all the body of text that I'm forming, I haven't figured it out yet. 

Who knows, I might even do some Writing People stuff later (eek-eth, could you imagine?). Though saying that, something needs to be done about that. Perhaps in the coming months we'll figure it out again.

I don't have very much to say today, perhaps I will later, or tomorrow, but what're you going to do? It's my day off, it's Pay Day, it's raining, and no one's around.

Quiet day it is then...

Carpe diem...

The Fire Goes Bleep...

The Fire Alarm out in the corridor has been bleeping for almost three days now. You can imagine the psychological effect it's having on everything - except me, because I'm not that weak minded that a bleep every 2, 5, and 10 minutes bothers me (it did disturb me the first half a day it did it, but it's grown on me)...

I feel like I should tell you my rota this week, so you can stalk me and somewhat plan around it so we can all figure out when we're free and somewhat be awesome together:

- Today: 9:30-5:30

- Monday: Off

- Tuesday: 10-7

- Wednesday: Off

- Thursday: 10-7

- Friday: 10-7

- Saturday: 10:30-7:30

Needless to say, my 10-7's are the usual, so I can always meet you guys afterwards and I start late enough in the morning to have enough sleep and everything. 

My Saturday night involved finishing all the TV I've been watching and I finished House of Cards (so good!) and then, when Pill and DarkHorse returned, we started watching The Last Airbender. Turns out, I'd only seen the beginning of it before, oh God! Why did I watch the whole thing?! Pill and DarkHorse went to bed not too far into the poorly paced, scripted, made movie...

My eyes! The horror, the horror!

Anywho, the Sun is now rising, and I've got to get back to proper work. I've not felt right in work for about a week now, unsettled, and unpredictable. I suppose it's because I've not had a proper day of work in about a week. And I've not had Le Lake Poob Grub either. It's been a long week, and it's going to be a longer one now that Red is also going away for work this week. Lucky we had that awesome Drinks/Hitchhikers/Drinks/Lap Dance Week before all of this.

Ah, good times...

Out on the weekend? Of course!

Carpe diem...

Mexican't Night...

It has been a briliantly odd week, and I don't think I like not hanging out with people in place of going places for work...

So, last night was meant to be, for me, a cool time to hang out and eat and be like the disjointed family that we can occassionally be, opposed to the closeness of friends that I know we can be and do and will continue to be. It started out alright, everyone was there when I arrived back from work, which was awesome, and we caught up...

It was a pity I couldn't attend on Wednesday, it sounded like they had a great time...

Red complimented me on my weight loss and everyone passed the stories of their days back and forth until we all decided to chat in the kitchen. Now, there is next to no room in our kitchen, but it was perhaps the most homely event we've had in our house, ever. It was nice, and we discovered that I can make most things sound creepy, even when I don't mean for them too...

And then came dinner where more chatter happened, and Phil's food was tasty (yum, yum) but then came a game I was all too familiar with. The Paint Brush Game is one of annoyance and ridicule for all those who don't realise what's happening and the eventual humiliation that follows. I remember my first time all too vividly, but alas it was Red's first time and thus the evning turned sour (or I felt that it did).

Needless to say, 45mins later, Red was ready to give up on us all, and the night had gone in a direction I don't think anyone intended for it to go. Bad things usually happen when you guys come over ours, bad things and nothings...

Is it this place, or is it the occupants?

Anywho, moving on, I managed to spend most of my day off doing nothing, which is a frightful shame, as it should be, but I was a badass on the xbox completing Saints Row IV and then catching up with TV (Agents of SHIELD is good, and Orphan Black is growing on me)...

I've fucked up Hipster Sundays again having to work so early on a Sunday, but then I suppose I can blame the rota instead of myself (excuses, excuses)...

Boars and Telly sounds like an awesome plan. And I agree with Red, roadtrip?

Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.  

-Ernest Hemmingway

Food for thought...

Carpe diem...

An Irishman, A Welshman, And A Scot...

Well that was a funny old couple of days. An Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scot became quite friendly when they realised that they were eachothers counterparts...

Let me explain, as much as I can, because work was involved, I can only really say a couple of things, the first being that I went to Roystone. I got up at 3am because my body is a complete bastard, and waited for my train at 5:55am. Swindon looked very much like that Zombie Picture at 7am...

(only took an hour to get there though)

Needless to say I reached London during rush-hour and proceeded to make my way through the crowds and along the underground until I reached King's Cross where I met my colleagues and they guided me the rest of the way. We left from Platform 6 and three quarters to Roystone, a quaint English village, of such quaintness that it could have been apart of At World's End, and then we went straight to work...

After work some of my colleagues, and our trainers went to the pub for a cheeky few, and this is where we exchanged stories of our times, and enjoyed the pints and our own company. It was strangely warm and we sat outside most of the evening. Soon it was just the Irish (who wasn't Irish) and Scotish contingent with me, and we went to our hotel, ordered steaks and burgers, got told the place was haunted and got subsequently smashed. Thanks to my bastard body, I woke up at 3am again, and quickly went back to bed. My first proper lie-in in a while. Though saying that, we just went to bed early, and the beds themselves were delightfully comfortable, and the showers in the morning were nice, and the free Full English went down a treat as well.

I had a great time, and I've been invited to Scotland and Ireland for more fun times to come. This could potentially be a very busy few months, and since Roystone, I think I'm more than ready for them...

Practice awaits, and seculsion, but I promise not to miss another social event if I can help it!

And I got a bit of SMART advice that I'm going to put into motion for my goal making: be Specific, making it Measurable, allow it to be Achieveable, make it Relavant to you, and give yourself a Timeframe.

Just a little bit of letter fun for you all...

Carpe diem...

Drained Of Life...

Without a shadow of a doubt, I don't think I've ever been this tired before in my life (undoubtedly I've said that before when I've been tired, but roll with it)...

It must have been about 3am when the headache began, and then the ghosting dreams, and then I remember hearing Pill moving around in his room before slamming the door to go to work at 6am, and then upstairs' alarm went off at 7:10am, and then finally mine at 7:30am. 

My eyes are bloodshot, and it doesn't really bode well for my 4:30am start tomorrow. Roystone yo! Maybe I'll just pack tonight at call it a 5am start. That doesn't make it sound any better. 

Either way, I'm now ready for work. Work you say? But Tuesday is your day off? True, true, it is. But then it's not a full day of work either. 10-12:30ish. It's for more training (for the good news at work thing), which means I won't get an actual day off until Saturday, which also means I didn't savour my last day off last Wednesday.

I'm just complaining because I'm tired. I wouldn't describe myself as grumpy, more like irritable. 

And because I'm tired I can't really think of anything else to say (just being honest).

I'll tell you what, last week was a very awesome week in the life of me. From Bake Off Bolognese, to Drinks, to Drinks and Hitchhikers, to Drinks and Lap Dances. This week is currently struggling under it's own weight, and I'll be glad to take it out the back and put it out of its own misery. However, with all the fatigue and shit, I can appreciate that the Birthday Month is almost upon me (and Red) and as of yet I've not got any plans, but then when do I do? 

Perhaps just a nice meal at the Meating Place or the Potted Pig. Hmm, maybe we should arrange Viva Brazil for next weekend?

Would you look at that, I managed to talk about something else. Have a nice day guys...

Carpe diem...

A Small Night Out To Remember...

Saturday Night was one of the best Saturday Night's I've had in a while (a wh-ile!)...

After nothing more than a miraculous recovery from Tag and Cherry on the 'Nah we'll stay in' front. It took a little persuasion, and by far a lot more speculation on their behalf than I had ever heard before - jumping from serious secrets, to being gay, to other more fantastical conclusions before Tag phoned me up and demanded I told him.

Needless to say, I did tell him my reason for celebrating (I can't really tell you, or let the world know, but it's a good work related thing, don't worry yourselves), and the couple reconsidered their stance on 'Pub?'

Arriving at Le Lake Poob probably an hour after everyone else, I bought pitchers of cocktail and pints. We drank and pondered about each other's days. Cherry went into Waitrose (very poe-sh), Tag spent all day doing an IQ test on his new phone (turns out, guessing most of the answers - excuses excuses - gets you a pretty O-K score too), and Red had had another bad day in phone world and wondered if I had noticed her hair change. I had noticed before she said anything though, needless to say, I've learned never to point something out and compliment someone about it before being prompted to do so - apparently it's kinda creepy or something...

Either way, compliments were passed, Red and I did the IQ test. We forced Siri to frape (my frap!) people and Red slammed Tag's head against the table. We laughed and relaxed in the only way we knew how. Ordered some Burgaz! and got on with the show. Tag couldn't finish his burger so Red finished it, and then I stole Red's morsel of burger, and Cherry ate up her entire plate, including Tag's chips. 

After another pint we adjourned to the downstairs next to the dance floor and became watched by the bouncers. We couldn't go out the back way, we couldn't dance on the tables, but we could sit on a sofa Friends style, Whistle While We Worked It, spied on the other dancers and all their faults, and lap danced for each other. Obviously the girls were better at it than the boys (sorry Tag, not for the boys), it's like its genetically passed down through the generations - or they watch far too much telly and practice that shit too often.

Damn, I'm an awful dancer.

Anywho, the night went on and we walked through the Zombie Apocalypse that Cardiff on a weekend, resembles, and found Gloria in the Gentlemen's Club (gigity). Tag gave me a lift home and that was that. The small taster of a night out, not fully realised because we had bags and coats and shit (and work in the morning).

I'll be up for doing more of the same next week too. Oh, there were shots too - but we've got to go get some Absinthe from Las Iguanas (70% yo!) if we want to start and do a night out we'll never forget (mainly because we'll forget it).

Carpe diem...

It's A Nice Change...

Its been a long time since I've had at least a warm coffee that I've made. I either get so wrapped up in what I'm doing and I forget it's there until it has the same temperature as a glass of water or...nope it's the first thing.

Coffee isn't the essence of life for me, although, it could be. I don't require it (well in a sense that I could go without one, but if I don't I get terrible headaches, which I hear are all in my head anyway - ba-doom-tish!) but I like the actual flavour of it. I never used to, finding a coffee coated Revel used to be like Russian Roulette. I'd chew into it, and immediately die of painful and agonising taste, and then I realised I could just spit it out and go for the malteaser one instead. Though, thankfully, my tastes have changed. I can't eat things that are too sweat nowadays though, and again, that's a good thing. 

But it's odd how things change, and have the ability to change, don't you think? I suppose that's one of the wonders of life the universe and everything, the ability to change. And if life didn't change, social situations didn't evolve, personal dynamics (I sound like a Sims loading screen) didn't adapt, things would either stay the same or fall apart, and it's that ability to alter our own ideas that, I suppose, makes us so brilliant, and keeps things fresh and moving, onward to a better dawn. 

Needless to say, that was all waffle because nothing much in my life (that I can tell you about) happened yesterday. I did, however, manage to pull all the muscles in my lower back, and by lower back, it's more the area of the body I fondly call my gluteus maximus. But rather like Mallard said, you gotta keep going if you want to be bootylicious (I'm paraphrasing-ish)... How did I manage that you ask? Well to keep a sense of mystery to it I'll just say that it involved a couple of fish tanks and a pump-truck.

I've got 9 hours today, 12 hours tomorrow, and 9 on Monday before I'm off on Tuesday. And I find that that's the best way to recover from a broken arse, you've got to work it out (or does the song say jerk it out?)

The heatwave is coming again, my phone says it could get up to 25 degrees on Tuesday. Yep, I thought it too, my phone's finally stopped telling the truth because it knows I call it names behind its back and long to change it to something else.

Oh well, as I've successfully not talked about anything this time, I think I'll leave it at that. You guys have a nice day now:

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

-Albert Einstein 

Carpe diem...

Brain The Size Of A Planet, And Here I Am Blogging...

I'm two-types of toast into my day, and the trusty coffee mug sits politely by my side, begging for attention. The sun shuns itself through my window once more and unlike most sun's it is yellow, small, and has planets with life orbiting it. How cool is that?!

As I promised previously, I wouldn't have time to write a blog yesterday, however I can tell you that stuff happened and there was nothing you could do about it. Red invited us all to have spontanious drinks and food at Le Lake Poob it was nice, pleasant, and a good way to wind down the day. Upon returning home I was welcomed to a conversation about politics and inter-faith dialogue as well as a tirade of welsh vocab. Needless to say I went to bed and forgot the whole thing. 

In the morning I was left with a Mallard and a HB asleep on the living room floor, so I left them my keys and advised where they should go for breakfast; Truffles, we should go yo. And went to work and counted down the hours. For that day, was thee day, the day of Hitchhikers! There were people with hats, and people with towels, a woman/man with a blue wig who we don't like because he/she was a wave whore, and most importantly there was the show itself. A wonderful feat of entertaining entertainment. We all dressed up sexily to go see it, some of us more sexily than others, and interacted like a crowd should in a good stage play ("Oh Yes he did!")...

I think Marvin was brilliantly adapted from the forefront of our minds, Zaphod (zA-fod) started to grow on me towards the end, everyone else was as they should be, and Random was much more attractive in real-life than I remember her being on Radio. We had the guest speaker (voice of the book) Professor Sprout, with a few slip of the tongues, mispronunciations, and a tremendous amount of 'r' rolling (Trrrrraal!).

It was a good evening, and like Red said at the time, we should probably do more cultural things. Orchestra, I'm down for that. Gutted we missed the Last Night of the Proms, but then it was raining and cold, do you blame us for not going out, sitting on the Hayes, and pretending to be patriotic? 

The Christmas Lights are going to be switched on on my birthday. Note to self: this is not what I want to be doing for my birthday. 

I have completely downloaded How Long Will I Love You from About Time, and repeat is necessary, you're quite right. The long weekend calls to me, I'll just have to cling to the good nights out we've had this week. 

I have started work on completing my Real World Fiction - it's called Bute Wall. But I thought you knew that already. Where's Tag's RomCom?

I like hugs...

Carpe diem...

High Bake Off Fidelity...

Needless to say, this day off isn't really required because I've only been in work for two days, but I'll take it nonetheless, and I'll regret it if I don't, so where do I start?

Like most Tuesdays, it was an ordinary day until about Lunchtime when I connected my phone to Game's Free WiFi (shhh, they don't know we can do that from our side of the wall), and received an invite to Tag and Cherry's for bolognese and Bake Off. Who was I to refuse such a kind offer? I asked whether or not I could invite Pill (he's always going on about how he never gets invited anywhere) and I did. Thankfully, as we had already had this discussion (me and he), he couldn't come out due to time restraints, i.e. he wouldn't be able to stay for very long and therefore decided not to come.

It was no bother to me, and instead of rushing home after work to gather a few over night things, switch off my alarm clock, and other shit like that, I ran to the station straight after work, and caught the earliest train I could catch, passing Bargin Booze along the way to Number 69. I got there and drank and ate and watched RomComs and Bake Off until we all fell asleep and the cat crawled on my face a few times. 

Unfortunately it had conspired that Red couldn't make it on this occasion so we were more or less transported to the place in time that we were at almost a year ago (and that's transported mentally rather than geographically), and in that meaning I mean that we ate, sat, and watched RomComs with John Cusack in and not much else. It was even odd to note that I slept upstairs for the first time in a long while, and I think I may have kicked something I shouldn't have in my sleep. 

We watched High Fidelity and I was going to run through a few Top 5's, but I'm sure that'd bore you to death, or not, who knows. I have already written a Top 5 blog thing, a year ago when I watched High Fidelity believe it or not, maybe you could read that instead? Although, on second thoughts, and second reading, it looks like a child has written it. It's amazing to see the difference a year can make to writing style alone, among other things.

I remember being quite conscious at one point, just eyes closed, thinking about the world and stuff, all the while with a constant drip-drip-drip going on just to the left of me and a persisting thought that I was actually sleeping alone in their house. It wasn't a comfortable feeling. But then a clawing at the door meant that the demon kitty was on the prowl and that it was in fact, close to dawn.

I rose from my slumber closer to the time of day ordinary people wake up and woke the house (as always) and we were soon adventuring to the village of Cowbridge and then to Coffee at Tag's work. 

Now, it's highly unlikely that I'll be able to write a blog tomorrow morning, due to my 9-5, but I'm looking forward to a night at the Theatre with the guys, and I might actually get some writing done. Hey, look at me trying to predict the future...

Carpe diem...

Toxic Thoughts...

I figured out, quite a long time ago, that no one really ever wanted or wants to do what I want to do. Its probably why I tend not to celebrate my birthday. A day for just me? Who would want that? And that sort of thought process has probably influenced me and my personality most of all. I imagine most people view me as a pushover, someone who just does what they're told and doesn't try to rock the boat. But beneath the surface all I'm thinking about is everyone else's happiness, because if they're happy, I'll be happy, right? Well, for the most part that's true... (And I hate thinking that people aren't actually happy, and there's nothing in the world I can do to help.)

I confronted Pill last night about the Roast Dinner thing, and I asked him whether or not he thought I was living a toxic lifestyle, no commitments, just a whim and an urge to go and do things. He told me something I wasn't expecting. He said that I was a genuinely nice guy and that he didn't want people to take advantage of the generosity and kindness I'm capable of. He thinks I should never change, because the world needs genuinely nice guys, but something needs to happen, and I can't continue to go the way I'm going. But he doesn't think I live toxicly and admits that he too has taken advantage of me.

Needless to say, I was taken aback (trust Pill to give an analytical answer) and somewhat responded in a way slightly more aggressive than I wanted to. I told him I was fine with being taken advantage of because I knew it was happening, and I was fine with it, because my friends were doing it. If it was anyone else, they wouldn't be so lucky I'm sure. But after all that I can't help but think whether or not its a good thing. I know I've reasoned it to be a good thing, but is it a good thing for me? 

Another rather interesting thing happened to me yesterday too. I had a customer who read me. It was odd, after all, she only wanted a teddy bear, but read me nonetheless. And when I say read, I mean she analysed the way I spoke and came to a conclusion (or I assume she did). She suspected that I might have had a stutter when I was a child/teenager (correct) and that I thought I overcame that stutter (I have, haven't I?) but the simple pauses and elongated thoughts told her otherwise. Apparently, there's too much in my head trying to get out, and that's why half the time my sentences don't make sense or I start speaking and forget I'm doing so and stop again. She suggested I just start talking and see where that got me, get things off my chest and shit like that, and I thanked her for her advice and she bought the teddy. But like fuck am I doing that. I don't even know what I would say (lies) or to who I would say it (lies) or even why (lies). It was quite a hard hitting day to be honest...

I awkwardly met with Red in the morning to hand back a necklace she had left at mine, she was the only one in her shop, I could have stayed longer and chatted for a bit. It would have been a nice start to the day because then I was busy as soon as I started work up until about 3pm, when I realised that it was 3pm, and I hadn't sold anything, again. I miss Cherry working in town, and our subsequent Le Lake Poob meetings. The young days of our relationship together, winter to summer, and now winter is coming again (snow next month, Pill says)...

I'm getting a sort of mild case of paranoia at the moment, I'm not sure whether it's because of my mental state or because I live on Green Street, but paranoia nonetheless. I feel like everyone's talking about me, and that things are being said, planned, and done without me. I don't know. It's an odd one.

I miss the quiet calm of summer...

Carpe diem...

A Bit Of A Walk...

I love doing the most with my time, and this weekend (well Saturday) was no exception (Sunday was)...

I had already done my washing and other chores by 10am on Saturday, leaving me with nothing much to do. Pill and DarkHorse were waiting for DarkHorse's brother and they were going to go climbing, something I have no interest in (though there might be a team-builder in Boulders for work), but they invited me along to go sit in the cafe with my notebook and write a bit with a coffee. It was a nice thought, but I wanted to do something more with my day, as well as think about a few things. 

Instead, after announcing that that evening we would be dinning on Roast Dinner, I walked north through Llandaff and just beyond before coming back home, it only took a couple of hours, but the walk along the river is perhaps one of my favourites, and its really easy (flat all the way yo!). I could have gone all the way to Castell Coch but I had a dinner to cook. I saw the waterfalls at the Yacht Club, and the Swans at Hayley's Park, and the beauty of Llandaff Cathedral and its surrounding ruins. Oh my Lord, that place was like a slice of English country village, it was weird. I took my camera, and I'm sure pictures are floating around somewhere.

On the way back, I stopped at Tesco and picked up the evening's supplies and carried them the couple of miles home, sharing a laugh with a stranger at the struggle on people's faces as they tried the fitness equipment in the park. Once I returned home I started on the Banana Bread, which was very nice, and there's none of it left in this house, and then the dinner...

Pill cornered me pegging out washing in the morning, he was still undressed and he said 'you know you're not going to get anything out of doing this?' And I replied 'yes', but I don't think he understood. So he continued explaining to me what I was about to do - 'dinner for six people, from your own pocket.' But I don't think he thought I understood him. He even tried to make me not make mushrooms saying 'that's a whole other meal there, don't you know we're poor?' - I turned to him and said 'don't worry, I bought them.' I don't know why he was so against the idea. Perhaps it was because I wouldn't let him help me cook. He seemed to have a nice time. I think most people did. But I have no idea. Wine makes for loose tongues, and dinner talk can sometimes turn sour, but I enjoyed myself, and the food was good. 

And on Sunday, Pill, DarkHorse, and I watched a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender. There's a whole abridged series for it as well. Not as good as Yu-gi-oh, but there you go...

And as for the thinking, from the walk, I've decided that I will stay with the couple and HB. The move will be cheaper, bills and everything. I've just got to see where they're thinking of moving too, and hope the walk isn't too far. What am I saying? This is Cardiff, the walk is never too far!

I've got to go now, mainly because I think I'm boring myself, which means I've probably bored the rest of you as well. It'll be better tomorrow...

Carpe diem...

P.S. Does anyone want to come #sploring with me on Wednesday?

Cause And Effect...

Yesterday was a good day. And it wasn't just a good day in the sense that nothing cataclysmically bad happened to me, there were no train derailments, or tsunamis, or alien invasions in my life yesterday, it was just an ordinary day, and yet one that made me smile more than usual. And I think that was just about it, smiling. My workmates saw it, some even pointed it out (and some even got suspicious of it). Why was I smiling? No reason, and yet every reason. And now I'm starting to sound like a rather pompous swine with nothing better to do than to watch a daffodil grow through the seasons, from life to death to re-birth. 

I can't actually remember much of what happened, apart from my workmates' suspicions. I was kindly complimented on my previous blog, I was observed by the general public as being happy with my job, and as I slept last night, or as I tried, a line or two of a poem or a song entered and twisted and simply popped into my head. I rolled over and typed this into my phone:

'When Winter Leaves and Winter Trees

Bring Summer Long to her knees,

We shall battle on, we shall battle on...'

I'm not entirely sure if those lines are good or not, and I'm not even sure if they'll come to anything. But I'm glad I wrote them down, because a few lines I've been having recently, whilst in the grips of the sleepy pathway to slumber, have been lost to the recesses of my mind, not to be recovered. 

But, as with all goodness, there's a flip side. Pill's convinced (as always) that I'm coming across as wonderfully fake, and wanted me to sit down and talk about the future again last night. DarkHorse is on about buying a house early next year, and wishes for Pill, HB, and I to move in. I can only see a handful of problems ready to occur and none of which he wishes to discuss with me. There are just two things I require from a house/flat/place I'm living in apart from the obvious ones:

1. It needs to be within walking distance of town, not really any further than half an hour. I can't rely on public transport again like I was before Christmas. So much time wasted, 10 hours a week, 40 a month, 120 over the three months I waited. I spent the equivalent of five days waiting for trains to and from work, and I don't want to have to do that, or something similar, again.
2. It needs to have somewhere green to explore. That's an obvious one, for me at least. Somewhere to get lost, and somewhere to find things you weren't expecting to find.

There are of course other things concerning me, and convincing me that moving out alone would be a better option entirely, but none more so than Pill and DarkHorse wanting me to be a part of the decision. I may live there, but in the long run, it would be their (her) first house together. Why should I get a say in where they live? And for that matter, why would they want anyone else there apart from to make it conveniently cheap?

Maybe I'm just having doubts because doubts are worth having, unless every instinct in me is saying 'this is a bad idea', I'm not sure. Cause and effect, do something and make something else happen. You make a decision, and make something else happen. And never before have Ioan Gruffudd's words made more sense (two days since viewing them). If I do this now, I have a few ideas on how it plays out, and likewise if I don't do it. It's another big decision, especially after I just got settled into our flat and everything. I've just about dulled myself to the bean related meals and subsequent flatulence from across the room, doors slamming at the 6am wake-up call, and the 'you cook, I'll clean' regime.

It's a tricky one, and it'll take some thought, but in the meantime, I've got to take every day as it comes, and be happy in the fact that tomorrow the sun will rise and that opportunities are ready to be made, found, and explored to the fullest...

Carpe diem...

Also, have you heard 'What does the Fox say yet?'...

About Time And Other Things...

I don't think I could put into words the emotions and feelings I felt last night, in fact I don't even think I want to share them with you as they were so deep and personal, as I watched Richard Curtis' new film, About Time with my nearest and dearest...

I'm not even going to tell you very much about the film, I just want you to see it, and know that when the credits rolled, I didn't go 'is that it?' I turned to Tag and said, 'I would gladly sit and watch that again right now.' And I don't think I've ever said that about a movie, ever. There are films I could watch to death, but not over and over, so well done About Time. There's just so many perfect moments, wonderfully crafted, and each as beautiful as the next, so wonderfully crafted in fact that I just want Richard Curtis to write my life from now on. I wish I was a charming, bumbling, babbling, fool, with the greatest super power in the world (yes I said it). There's only one or two instances in my life so far that I would want to do over, and do properly, and they're only in the past year. Any before then seem utterly pointless now, and I suppose that's what the movie was essentially all about. 

I know I might see the world a little differently to a lot of you. I see most things with a sense of wonder and awe, which is probably why I like wandering around so much. But it's always words I seem to stumble on. I realised after the movie, that there were questions shooting around in my head, questions I would have normally asked, and been none-the-wiser for the answer. There were things that I could have said, and chose not too, and I think at one point I was actually charming for two-minutes. 

We made our own perfect moment last night, none complained about the cold, and we barely spoke. We just looked out over the marina (mar-in-er) with a sense of adventure, accomplishment, and thoughtful reservation, cocktails in hand, wondering what was out there, and gazing at the underwater beauty only the night time could bring.

I think that might be the most perfect moment, that snippet, that we've ever had. And we have had some perfect moments together. Lounging in the back garden with wine, music, and a midsummer's evening, wandering in the park during a heavy shower, and the countless hours we have comforted and enjoyed each other's company at our favourite haunt. And I wouldn't go back and change a thing, but I would go back and relive them all.

I was even surprised to see a familiar relationship on screen, that just so happens to be one I have with my father. And I wonder, when the time comes, whether I will think 'did he love me if he didn't show it?' The answer is of course, and always will be, 'yes'. 

And before I return to my day-to-day there was something else I wanted to share with you. Something that played before the film, and something so epic, so get-up-and-go, and so tremendously brilliant that I wanted to share it to encourage me to do even better, again. (And Red, I didn't mean to insult you - if I did, you made a face - when I said 'guys, shall we go to university again?' - you were obviously included in the question.)

All in all, I want to say that last night changed my life, and has made me a better person, and I certainly hope that's true. I'll try and shut up a lot more, think about what I'm about to say, and bumble and babble through life as charmingly and as foolishly as I possibly can...

Carpe diem...

Lover of the Light...

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step

And relent

You forgave and I won't forget

Know what we've seen

And him with less

Now in some way

Shake the excess

Red, welcome to the Folkier side of Rock! We'll get you hooked to Of Monsters and Men next (for the lolz)...

Did I just say that?!

I had a good day yesterday. There were some good customers, and some bad ones, but the good ones were so good that they were able to keep by mood upbeat. There were only three of them, two of which I remember. The first being an Aussie couple I got to talk Doctor Who to. And the second who chatted to me about the world, and life, and writing. Don't give up, accept rejection, and work for it. And if you die with a hundred manuscripts to your name, remember that your relatives will be able to benefit from them after you're gone, you'll be forgotten, but they'll be rich and famous because of you. A sort of happy thought I suppose. He also suggested glory printing, but I'm not too sure about that - but thanks Alun for your kind words, and I agree, I'm not too old for Fantasy!...

In other news, I feel like we haven't been hanging out a lot recently, and I know that's an entire lie. It's this current pattern of a 5-day week, where you guys all have days off during the week, that's throwing me off. And we haven't had a Sunday in a while - and I don't think I can do one until the end of the month (ARGH!). Saturday nights perhaps? Real food, a late start in the morning because it's Sunday, and just the four of us again. Either way, I'm talking bollocks, because I saw all of you last week, Red came over on the weekend, and we're going cinema'ring tonight. And like I told Red when she wrote:

'Anyway, the point is, I keep feeling horrible, then a good song comes on and I tell myself to just deal with it and be happy (for fucks sake), and repeat. Does that make me strong or weak? I'll tell you what it does make me: an overthinker. A classic fucking overthinker.'

That's how everyone feels when they're lonely, right? I know I do. I drown myself in music, I don't feed myself, because quite frankly, I cook too much food, mainly for groups of people. And don't start telling me to cook and save some. Having the same thing every day might bore me. I'm going to start doing the second stage of Spartacus at the end of the week, and I think it might kill me.

I haven't been drunk in a while. And I really want a Milkshake. Conflicting oddness, I'm sure. Banana Milkshake, with a hit of Vanilla. Oooo a Cowpots. Pill was an arse yesterday suggesting that, and all the places and things I couldn't have or get access too this week, or this month for that matter.

Either way, I'm being a moron, and I'm looking forward to seeing you guys later. And I saw something on Facebook earlier, that made me sort of happy. It's a 25-year-old's advice on being 25. And as I'm still a whole year and a bit away from that - but here it is - and I hope you like it.

Carpe diem...

I Surrender To The Strawberry Ice Cream...

It's nice to remember specific scenes of your life from a single song lyric...

Like, Friday I bought Saints Row 4, and now it's Monday again. WTF?! Okay, I'm over-exaggerating, but I remember why I started waking up at midday and shit like that now, because I wasn't going to bed until 2-3-4am. It's good to get back into Video Games again, before I have to change consoles to keep up with modern trends...

In actual fact I went on my ever increasingly sparse visits to the Parental Home on Saturday, catching the train wonderfully early in the morning, to be there for 9:30am. And then I spent a large majority of the morning chatting, catching up, making Rice Salad for my mother's 'friend' whose birthday it was that evening. And then we sat down and watched Saturday Kitchen, followed by the F1 Qualifying. Having no where else to go, I sat and watched too. And after that, everyone else either left the room or the house, leaving me by myself with nothing on the telly. And they complain when I'm not there, I turn up do a few things for them, and then they all bugger off! Seriously guys, I was kinda bored. Step it up next time.

Either way, I returned home catching the same train as my sister and her friends, and departed at the station. I was going to meet Red, and then going to have some dinner. Bangers and Mash, Boom Baby! We hungout a bit, chatting, watching the end of an anime series Pill and DarkHorse had been watching, and then the Impossible Game happened. And if you haven't see it already, Red had a go too:

...the sheer frustration on her face, bless. But that FUUUCK really does make the video...

I walked Red to the other side of town and walked back, returning to Saints 4. It's wonderfully good fun. Tentacle Swords, Dubstep Guns, and the Movie References, all make for brilliant laughs and I shan't spoil anything for you, except one line a dying man screamed while I was trying to save the planet from aliens...

Oh God! Tell my wife, I had another wife...

Sunday was mostly spent on the xbox, though once Pill and DarkHorse returned we dinned on cockles and spaghetti and watched the Pirates films, it was a wonderfully lazy, lazy day - and it didn't even rain like it was meant too. And now my washing all smells crap because I dried it indoors. Next weekend I shan't sit around all day, Red brought up the topic of exploring, and it got me urging for more walking around the place. I've got a coat, no weather gonna stop me, and when I return, Saints will be waiting for me...

But first I've got a whole other week to go. About Time on Wednesday, maybe. And Mother made me weigh myself I'm at 17st 10.5lbs (which is still a shocking number, but when you think I started out the year on somewhere closer to 23st, is far more impressive). 

I've also realised that when I'm alone (i.e. when I know no one's coming back here to say 'hi') I'm far more productive than when someone's here. Although, as discussed at length, when I'm alone, I'd be alone - and I think that's something we discovered in First Year. I'm going to have to learn to handle that I reckon.

Sunday's rain appears to be here and now on Monday morning, so please don't mind me as I get soaked on the way to work...

Carpe diem...

An Off Day...

Yesterday I was late. Now I don't know about you, but I like to think of myself as quite a punctual person, I'm not sure about presentable and polite, they're both subjective, but punctuality was certainly something I was good at - until I got my dates mixed up, and whilst brushing my teeth at 9:05am I realised that it was my blue moon shift (9-5) instead of my usual (10-7). I spat out the tooth paste, grabbed everything, and ran - alas dear reader, I had not the opportunity to saunter to Tesco and purchase a breakfast like I thought I was going to. I ran all the way to work, and apologised very muchly for my tardiness, caught my breathe and went to work...

Tag and Red came to visit a couple of times, and that was probably the highlight of my day. Customers drove them away though (bloody customers)...

After work, it got a bit weird too. I was home early, and Pill wasn't - I did the washing up and perused the internet for nothing in particular. I think I'm going to get a keyboard for my kindle, just so I can pretend to be a high-class business man on the train to London at the end of the month. Who knows? I've also been thinking about what my Mother has gotten me for my birthday, considering she was in Cardiff to buy it a couple of weeks ago. My birthday's not until November. I did find a school friend's blog yesterday too, he used to be quite a good friend and we grew apart as we all seem to have done. And I saw another old school friend of mine (with a baby) in the shop, and the person who helped me and my friends when we were mugged. It was weird seeing them all grown up. But anyway, moving on...

Pill and DarkHorse arrived a little later with shopping, some of which I had already done (we now have four loaves of bread), Pill set about getting ready to do my exercises and I heard the timers go off, I knew he was done. DarkHorse forbade him from doing another Set (something I haven't tried yet either), but he came out exhausted, drenched (soaked!), and he congratulated me on being able to do that three times a week with heavier weights. 

Then he cooked curry (again) and I managed to smash a glass. He called me a twat and then we began a back and forth that was wonderfully immature. I called him a 'garlic knob' and he looked disgusted. We laughed, trying to picture what a garlic knob would actually be like (the answer is horrible), then great white buffalo was mentioned, and then we got back onto the HTC game - mostly for DarkHorse's amusement. I showed them the trailer to Filth - and they really want to see it too. And then they sat down to watch Black Butler - an anime that's not as racist as it sounds - and I sat with them for a while. 

I almost napped, but I went to bed instead. Last night I dreamt of plug-in air freshener, I was woken by a dripping gutter outside at 4am, Pill slammed the door on his way out at 6am, and my alarm woke me up at 7:30am. All in all, not a very restful night's sleep at all. Tomorrow, I aim to sleep well - fingers crossed...

Carpe diem...

Hep C And Some Blood...

There's no breakfast in the house, so I'd best make this a quick one, but not really, because who needs food? All those adverts telling us that it'll keep us full until lunchtime are bullshit. They keep me okay until about midday, I grant you, but midday ain't my lunchtime!...

It was a typical day yesterday, until someone mentioned Kingdom of Sweets to me. Isn't that closed now? And indeed it was, unless you were a St David's employee, for then you could waltz up to the doors, all boarded up, flash your St David's Card at the bouncer, or your uniform like I did, and enter into the carnage on the other side. Tens of people scrambling for the open-air pick-a-mix, the shelves just about bare save for a few items. I grabbed a couple of things and then got asked what I had on me, money wise. The answer 'about £4.50' caused the cashier to grab my bag and fill it with all kinds of goodies, to the brim, and she simply said, that'll be £4.50. I may have got a lot of sweets, but the majority of them are crappy, american, and some what odd. Who makes fruity caramel? I mean really!

Either way, it was cinema night, and I had to run out of work and carefully saunter to the car, where the others were eagerly awaiting my arrival. We almost crashed when I climbed in and Tag pulled off, but hey, he was caught up in the moment, and I think the Corsa wanted the space. We sped to the Bay, and strutted through the cinema as if we owned the place, which for the most part we did. The kids went back to school, and the place was quite empty. We got good seats on account of the movie being released two weeks or so ago, and we settled in for some bloody gore...

And bloody gore we got, there were knives, machetes, axes, hammers, nails (ha! you deserved it), a screwdriver set, and a crossbow with only two bolts or something. It also gave us sex and boobs in the first scene and sort of tried to continue for the next ten or fifteen minutes, but alas, ain't no body got time for that. And after the initial jumps and scares, animal masks and everything, the movie sort of took a turn for the Home Alone (there's nails in that too). A poor stranded Aussie girl, trying to save herself from home invaders and... 

*SPOILER ALERT* 

half the family she thought she was going to have a good time with. 'You don't know how lucky you are to have parents like yours.'

We started rooting for everyone to die, and when that bad guy jumped through the window on to the nail, I threw my arms in the air with joyous intent. It was a bad film, but it really did engage and encourage us to join in. I like to think I would at least try and fight the invaders. They looked a bit pants. And I don't think, if I had the upper hand, that I would let any of them live just to kill them a little later and stretch out the plot. Wasn't the Tiger Mask the one that got stabbed in the kitchen, and then later kicked in the bollocks, and bludgeoned with the Meat Tenderizer? 

Thank the Lord there isn't room for a sequel. Sure she survived, but going all Exorcism of Emily Rose on that shit, ain't gonna happen... 

*END OF SPOILERS*

Either way, we exited, happy in the fact that we engaged with the film, and wandered to Chicken House, as per tradition. Although it was only 9pm, and there were people there. We like the place to ourselves, we like the exclusivity 11pm gives us. We made our way to Spoons to somewhat quench our thirst while we waited, and then accidentally ordered food. I have to say, the Mount Stuart has nothing on the Western, or the Gatekeeper for that matter. The drinks are okay, but the tables are always sticky, and the food is somewhat under par. At least give me my own knife and fork and not expect me to get it from the dusty rack over by the bar. Also, lipstick stains on the wine glass, a clear indication of Hep C which as Tag said will give us all Hep C due to Cherry giving it to Tag, Tag to me, and then I shall inevitably give it to Red (I don't know how, and I don't know when, but you're gonna get some - yo gurl, how you doing?). 

But, creepiness aside, it was a nice night, but the food left more to be desired. Perhaps we could just grab some Subways and eat at the secret beach next time? Dominoes pizza and Red's flat? 

Just a thought. Anyway, I might go find some breakfast now. Perhaps try that new Tesco by the station, apparently it's massive. I shall be the judge of that...

Carpe diem...

It's What You Want It To Be...

Yesterday we got deep, Pill and I, real deep. We went way back, and lingered on words and ideas and memories of the future that we discussed in length, in our back garden, taking in the evening warmth. But that was almost entirely due to being so drained of energy, that I didn't want to talk at all, and Pill wanting to talk. It was okay, it seemed to work. I must remember my 5 o'clock coffee!

Anyway, I told Pill to go play his game while I made dinner, it was sort of 8ish by that point, and made the dinner I did - BBQ Pork, Boiled Potatoes and Steamed Veg (healthy, I hope you agree). As I was waiting for Bake-I-don't-like-trifle-but-I-want-one-Off to appear on iPlayer, I noticed a post from Red on Twitter which essentially read, watch this:

(does that first bit of music sound Halo-y to you?)

It's a good advert, I enjoyed, and then Pill - who had been watching over my shoulder - started to play the game with me: Huge Tits Cupped, Horny Tortoise Cums, Hagrid Tries Cock, Harry Takes Cock, Humongous Testicular Cancer, and Heavenly Trollope Code, were some of his...

I wasn't very good at it, requiring to pause and stuff before hand, and then when I had one it didn't sound quite right: High Tree Cut, Hot Turnip Collapses, Holy Train Collides, but then I said one that shut Pill up and I said it with a wonderfully straight face that it was funny...

Horse Tramples Child

I know that most of you didn't laugh there, but you have to remember, we were both in a sort of drunken tiredness stage. Either way, I don't imagine HTC, it's what you want it to be, will appreciate our little game or the headlines that we've created from it. It's rather like the Three Pony and Pug, and the O2 CatDog, weird enough to create new weird.

Moving on, Pill and I were thinking of having the last BBQ of the Summer on the weekend, if you all want to come, weather permitting. I'm sorry we can't wait (because I know some of you can't make it this weekend), the nice weather is slowly fading into the realms of the winter, but if it happens, you'll all get an invite if this wasn't enough to suffice...

Carpe diem...

Normality?...

So, it turns out in the black recesses of the night, I still have dark thoughts. It actually turns out that in the bright gloom of the afternoon sun, I also have dark thoughts. For instance I was walking home yesterday, and I wondered what it would be like to get hit by a speeding car, if it jumped the red light as I was crossing the road...

I'm not sure whether that was a dark thought or just me trying to envisage the scene and the feelings and the hurt involved, both physically, emotionally, and mentally. I think I'm probably weird for that thought alone, but then even while Pill was here I continued the stream of badness. It turns out, I have to be told something's a secret for me not to tell anyone else about it. I think that annoys Pill the most about me. Perhaps there is something mentally wrong with me. Will I go see someone about it? Probably not, because I don't think there's anything wrong with me. Every human being has the capability of imagining and experiencing exactly the same things, given time. I suppose the car hitting one is most influential because of my father and grandmother. But hey, maybe not.

I also came to the conclusion, whilst talking to workmates, that I'm not the best when it comes to series decisions, topics, or life-altering events. If you ask me anything along those lines, my mouth (which is already a stupid talking tool) says something I don't mean, or a blue joke no-one gets but me, and I ultimately look stupid. However, give me a day to think about things, maybe even shorter on occasion, and I can give you my actual opinion and feelings towards the matter at hand. I'm stupid, and quite emotionally retarded when it comes to most things actually. And I have no idea why...

Or perhaps I'm just being silly and questioning things that aren't there, or normal things altogether. Pill made me sit and watch Pirates yesterday. It wasn't unpleasant, but as I'm going on a home-visit on the weekend (not sure which day) he wants me to bring back the other two Pirates, that aren't on Netflix. 

I'm already missing the sun. Soon it'll be autumn, where walks through the park will be even more colourful, birthdays, Halloween, bonfire night, are all going to be awesome, and then it'll be the hugging weather, and the best time of year (behind summer obvs), Christmas. A time of warmth, love, caring, and even more fun. I think this has been the best year so far, a year where I've actually been able to do stuff, lots of stuff, and not regret a single expenditure. But I'll save the summary for New Year's Day, like always...

Until then, Carpe diem...

Nothing Really...

Inevitably, quite simply nothing happened yesterday, and I was fine with it...

It feels a little odd to be going back to work again today, Pill made sure I got up well before my alarm by slamming the front door particularly hard this morning. So, I've had my breakfast, I'm having my coffee and I was just going through Frank Turner (we're going to see him!) videos - I didn't know there was a video for Wessex Boy.

With my Sunday, Pill and DarkHorse took us to the big Tesco to buy certain more supplies that we failed to get the other day at the market, and then we came back home and watched three or four movies followed by a couple of episodes of Black Butler (a weird anime. I don't think I'll watch much more). 

Have you guys seen House of Cards? I've been watching it since Spacey's speech about television, and I'm really enjoying it. It's dark, smart, and occasionally funny. I just don't like how predictable it is, but I think that's my only gripe. And then for some reason we started talking about Pokemon Series 1. Did you know it took place over a year an a half (81 episodes), and if we were to watch them all it would take us 27 hours. And that's just from Pallet Town to Indigo Plateau.

I've eaten a lot of crap in the past week. Pill likes to remind me. He's started telling me what I can and can't eat as well - and it's mostly for my own good, but when he says it because he wants something I was going to have, it annoys me.

I feel like I wasted my Sunday. I didn't need to do anything, but it felt like I should have done. And then this happened...

And continued to happen until I was long asleep. 

This post is really about nothing. And that's a bit weird, because I don't like writing about nothing. But sometimes you've just got to write, and write, and write. It's not all going to be good, but sometimes it might be. Damn I miss proper writing. Luckily, I've got Bute Wall to edit now - that'll give me something creative to do, and I've been thinking about the Badly Drawn Adventures and the Skyrim Escapades a lot recently too.

That's enough babbling for now I think.

Carpe diem...