Wednesday, 30 March 2011

PAT Test Man and Other Worthless Superheroes #3...

Well, back by popular demand - in the same day as it's broadcast - we bring you Episode 3 of 'PAT Test Man and Other Worthless Superheroes'...enjoy.

Welcome back, the world is in a very bleak state when we last left it. PAT Test Man was turned from boring to cool, HASP and Estatatron captured and kept the students locked up, their minions, the Porters, led by the Sperminator, had the lecturers under lock and key, and Student Body looked out hopeless as her contacts in the Council failed her, as well as the Double-D. What can she do?

Yes indeed it was a very dark day, so dark some might say it was night, and the street lights filtered their orange glow on the streets of the Campus. Estatatron had fallen asleep in the kitchen of the students, while HASP disappeared to go light a fire on the other side of Campus. PAT Test Man had not noticed the distress Campus had suffered, but when he did he took he PAT Test Machine and confronted HASP.

"You can't do this HASP!" he courageously pronounced.
"Watch me, you can't stop change PAT Test Man," HASP exclaimed while the gasps of nearby students in HASP's fire clutched their necks for breathe. PAT Test Man took his machine and aimed it at HASP. "You cannot PAT Test Me, PAT Test Man, I am not PAT Test-able." he chortled. To PAT Test Man's shock HASP was right. His machine was completely useless. How could he stop them and put back together Campus?

All the way across Campus, Student Body stood in the Attic Bar surrounded by her bodyguard. She knew that the students needed protecting more than she did, because without them she could not exist. She sent out her bodyguard, a small elite force of ninja who were specially trained to convert enemies into friends. The Porter numbers were overwhelming, but they managed to convert two or three of them before becoming plant fertilizer. The new Porters, fought with the old Porters in an unending fight which distracted them all for days.

The screaming from ABN Block was increasing now, and it roused Estatatron from his evil slumber. He pounded on their walls, shaking the foundations of the old, and obviously rushed to build building. Cracks appearing on the already present cracks, and nasty smells erupted from the sinks and showers. Then a couple of someone's appeared in their spandex superhero costumes. It was the Irish Drake and Dr Wright, who's never wrong. Estatatron turned to face them in the crowd of screams filling the corridor.

"You cannot stop us," he had said, smirkily and dressed in his dapper suit. Irish Drake and Dr Wright looked at each other.
"Just watch us."

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

PAT Test Man and Other Worthless Superheroes #2...

As you all know PAT Test Man was useless and a complete waste of space in his blinding orange jacket. Luckily for PAT Test Man I mistook his identity for HASP (Health and Safety Prick!). HASP is an alter-ego with the blinding orange jacket, and PAT Test Man is actually quite a cool dude who is friends with Student Body. Luckily for HASP PAT Test Man was filling in on the day of the PAT Tests otherwise Student Body would have kidnapped him and the world would have been lost to the realms of No-PAT Tests, but Student Body allowed PAT Test Man to continue, even though he took a long time about it.

Either way, nearly a week has passed and HASP and Estatatron had turned up at the ABN Block again, to check on PAT Test Man's work. Surprised by what they saw, HASP and Estatatron made the students shut their doors, remove stuff from Fire Extinguishers, because we all know Extinguishers are useless in a building that never catches fire due to its large concentration of Fire/Blu-Tac/Dirt/People Retardant Wall Paint. Made them remove life and posters and other such implements from their doors and of course they removed the Sun from the outside, making all the students lives worse off than they really would be in the Sun.

Student Body saw all of this from the Attic Bar and was not impressed.

Once HASP had the students were his wanted them, he proceeded with sticking 'Fire Door' stickers on the outside of the student doors, so that the students could not escape. Screams and pounding on doors echoed in the corridor, but HASP and Estatatron just laughed and sat and feasted in the kitchen.

Student Body was angered by all of this. She got out her phone and called in the reinforcements. Within seconds, because they live so close, the Council Henchmen had arrived in their Cleaning Vehicle, but HASP knew about the Council Henchmen because of the previous story. He sent in the Porters, they rode on lawnmowers and destroyed yet another Vehicle of the Council's.

She called in Double-D but he could not withstand the force of the Porters either, and nor could the Lecturers. Estatatron had ordered the Lecturers to be locked in their offices, the the overwhelming number of Porters, lead by the Sperminator, locked them up.

Student Body saw all this and felt hopeless. Her students were being locked up and maltreated. HASP and Estatatron were in the employ of the Vice-Chancellor, and making a move on then was openly going against them, and Student Body was only allowed to exist because they said so. She had to comply to PAT Tests, Fire Alarms, and Health Inspections too.

Could this be the end of the students and Student Body? Will office workers and groundsmen win out? Will the students be free? Will the Vice-Chancellor ever show his face? Tune in next time for another jaw dropping episode of PAT Test Man and Other Worthless Superheroes!

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

Friday, 25 March 2011

Beach, Camera, Action...

I see you driving round town with the girl I love and I'm like Forget You!

It was a sunny, sunny, sunny day here in Carmarthen, and the majority of the student body decided that it would be best if our lectures were held outside and we were taught in the fresh air of the sunshine which is a rarity in Carmarthenshire. Well unfortunately forstudents every where lectures were still held indoors, but luckily for those of us who had free time, we went to the beach. WIN!

So, dancing and singing there and back again, it was like a Hobbit Holiday to the beach. Once there, copious amounts of cricket and piggy in the middle were played, and then a quick wander to the sea.

Unfortunately it was going out faster than we found ourselves traveling, so we chose to paddle in the river. Mistake. Rivers on beaches are deceptively muddy, so we became so.

Clambering out of the mud, we found more beach, sinky sand, a dead crab, and my favorite place in Llansteffan, which I will now call Llans Ffan because of a broken sign.

And then we raced about 300metres back to base blanket. Its fair to say I'm not the fittest of blokes but the sand really didn't help me here. And now I'm aching because of it. Tag won.

Then we walked about a bit, visiting the castle, taking band photos and all round enjoying our day out. It was a good day guys. Let's keep it up. I'm tired now.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Did you like PAT Test Man and Other Worthless Superheroes?

Thursday, 24 March 2011

PAT Test Man and Other Worthless Superheroes...

One Day PAT Test Man was meant to PAT test all of ABN Block 4, but PAT Test Man was busy and late, and lazy. So donning his florescent orange jacket he marched out into the sun blinding anyone he saw, because he wasn't a very nice Superhero. On his back, in black bold letters, read the words 'Health and Safety Officer'. Because that was PAT Test Man's day job.

While walking along he can across his two friends, THE Farmer Giles and Fence Boy and the pair were repairing a fence the evil students had torn down. You see PAT Test Man, THE Farmer Giles, and Fence Boy's ultimate enemy was the Student Body, who's super secret evil hideout was in his fort 'The Student Union'. Unknown to PAT Test Man this super secret evil hideout fort thing of super evilness lay hidden in plain sight on Campus, and was a refreshment's outlet by day, and an evil night club at night. PAT Test Man had even bought a drink there once and thought it very nice, but a bit loud for him.

Outside ABN Block 4 he, and THE Farmer Giles, and Fence Boy stood chatting for a while when all of a sudden loud and beat-worthy music blared out of an upstairs window. THE Farmer Giles was not happy with this because it was making more noise than his and Fence Boy's fence building. Then, to make matters worse the Council Henchmen arrived in their Cleaning Vehicle and cleaned the road next to PAT Test Man, THE Farmer Giles, and Fence Boy. The noise was too much for the trio, and the Council Henchmen we using their Cleaning Vehicle to throw glass bottles and cans at them.

So with the music and the whirrrrrrrrrrrring of the Cleaning Vehicle Fence Boy took up a fence post and started to batter the Cleaning Vehicle. THE Farmer Giles unleashed his hordes of sheep and cows pushing and biting the vehicle.

Soon the henchmen were defeated as they ran away leaving their Cleaning Vehicle on the side of the University to explode, which it did, knocking down THE Farmer Giles and Fence Boy's fence. Fence Boy was soo annoyed by this, he took his fence post and threw it through the noise making window killing everyone inside.

PAT Test Man very impressed by what he saw took out his PAT Test Machine, scanned the building, ABN Block 4, and found that there were no faults with anything. But that didn't stop him sticking little green stickers everywhere.

PAT Test Man went home and felt good about himself, even though everyone knew he was just useless and a waste of space in his blinding orange jacket.

And from the Attic Bar of the Student Union stood the Student Body who saw everything of that day's events and knew he must stop PAT Test Man and all his friends, THE Farmer Giles, Fence Boy, Haliwell Chef, JM Williams, and the Sperminator.

But that's just me, until next time bloggers...

P.S. If you enjoyed reading this thing I write much better stuff usually, so just message me to find out more. And look in all good book stores in the coming years! come.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Ah, that BBQ Smell...

Well that was brill!

Today we, the flat and I, went to a meeting concerning our graduation - 4th or 5th July, eek its so close now! I don't know if I want this experience to end or not, because there's the big wide world ahead of us, unplanned and unclaimed by us as of yet. I know, scary right? (Hi Tag)

Moving on, town was fantastic in the sunshine, completely empty, but worth it to go see our friends at Cowpots and at Zapi. Brilliant fun, when you've bought a comic, a milkshake, two slices of blue cheese, a pie for your tea, and two flagons of cider. Yep, that's right, I am now my father in everything but a name and a car accident.

And now we're hear, there's talk of fright night hovering in the air, and the pleasant aroma of BBQs, just because the sun's out. Well in an hour or so the evening will be here and it'll be cold again. But until then, we'll enjoy it!

I've been working on my description as well, after yet another suggestion that I should describe more in my 'epic' fantasy because that's one thing that makes them quite epic. So I've been describing one place, of many, with help from the lovely HB Sauce, I hope it's good. I couldn't really know how to word such a thing, as I was probably trying to write it as if I myself was visiting said city - which turned out quite odd because it's not quite the jewel I describe it to be.

This just in, HB Sauce liked it very much, for which I'm grateful. I might write more descriptions now. By God this thing's going to be 'EPIC'!

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Question: Look left or right, tell me, what do you see?

Monday, 21 March 2011

Just Another Magic Monday...

Fun Weekend!!!

Well sort of, I had to read another bloody book for a lecture everyone hates, and the lecturer thought about scrapping it last year because no one liked it - TAKE A HINT!!!

But in all seriousness the lecture would be improved by simply:
a. Removing Her as the teaching lecturer.
b. Changing the time frame in which the module is set. (seriously, who can tell me a GOOD Welsh novel in the 20th Century?)
And 3. Changing the culture to that of Britishness, or somewhere people write stuff about, rather than making us reference those other texts/places. It makes no sense?!

Anywho, I had to read the entirety of 'The Hiding Place' in one sitting, because I hate reading for that module. It was weird, and apart from being set in Cardiff, not a Welsh Text, though apparently it is. I couldn't understand her today because she talks too academically and too mundanely.

Pill and I cooked up a fantastic Come Dine With Me Flatstyle (take 1) yesterday too. We made:

Scampi and Seasoned Potato Wedges
with various dips and sauces.

Main Course
Mozzarella stuffed Chicken Breast
on a bed of Roasted Vegetables

Chocolate Puddle Pudding

Sounds good don't it?

And today, after the tremendously boring, and long, and tedious, and apparently headache making lecture we went to the Golden Lion in town to play a few games of Magic the Gathering Cards - if you're interested you should come. Drinks, card games, and sometimes free Twinkies (yum, yum)

I'll check in with you again soon,
But that's me, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Question: If a tree falls in the woods, will animals get squashed?

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Homeless? At War? And your Team sucks?...

Hi guys, well today's been an odd one.

I've done some work, 5000 words of work to be precise (I've still got to proofread it but should be fun). I've been watching the last day of the Six Nations Rugby Tournament. That was interesting, from the moment England lost their game, so Wales could have gotten a tremendous victory, to the point where Wales lost their game in such a disappointing way. And then, between games, I get told a plan whereby the people I was meant to be living with next year, don't really want to live with each other or me, and suggest that we all live in the same town still just in separate houses. I don't know about you, but the prospect of living alone doesn't appeal to me. And no this is not why I'm pissed off, as far as I knew I wasn't pissed off (Hi Tag).

So today's been a bit odd. I don't mind not living with the guys, its just that I was told about the decision rather than not brought into the discussion which annoyed me a little. I'm not someone who likes being messed around with. I went from not knowing whether I should live with them and being begged to do so, before Christmas, to agreeing to live with them only to find that months down the line, the best laid plans had gone sour and everyone was going their separate ways.

It just seems very odd to me. But I'm not pissed off at all. Sure a little disappointed, but it means I'll simply revert back to my previous life plan (well summer plan, like hell do I have a life plan) of moving back home, volunteering for my father's nature reserve so I get some work experience, volunteer work, and exercise all rolled into one nice simple package. And then I look for the proper jobs/get the proper jobs after my holiday in July, while the whole time I'm writing my first novel - its coming along swimmingly for the first time ever believe it or not.

Who knows what'll end up happening. And if you do, don't tell me, I like to take life as it comes.

In other news, the free world seems to be going to overthrow another Dictator in Libya, and we didn't get to see the Lunar Perigee because of total cloud cover.

I'll be entering the Cardiff International Poetry Competition next week, and I hope I win and get some renown and recognition as a writer.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

Friday, 18 March 2011

Oh What A Lovely War and Other Things...

Last night I went to the theatre.

Don't all drop dead at once, it was only the Haliwell which is a sandwich or two away from being a health hazard. Anyway, my flatmate and I went to watch 'Oh What A Lovely War' coerced by some of our stage-hand and actor friends. The show was thoroughly enjoyable and certainly worth the £3 entry fee for a ticket, which, thanks to Dark Horse (My Flatmate) we received for free. WIN! And I suppose, with free seats comes great views and brilliant seats, well the views were great, but the seating. That theatre really needs more leg room.

So we leave, and when we get back here, it's PIZZA TIME!

Good fun and tasties much? Many People were drunk, and commenting on the size of someone's equipment. The whole event was very surreal and as always enjoyable.

Okay so I said I'd make this a happier event. So that band I'm trying to hire for my party wont return my emails, I might have to phone them soon.

Writing is going well, I've got to do a bit more today so I can post some. I'm trying to enter the Cardiff International Poetry Competition, merely to see whether I can cut it as a poet, a writer, and if I do win the end to some of my financial worries, though that's not my main goal. The poem I wrote a long while ago, when I wrote poems, and I've since adapted it into a stageplay. Which seems like a very strange thing to be doing indeed.

Well that about sums up this installment.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

P.S. As this question didn't get much of a response last time I asked it. Out of all the Fictional Characters in the world which ONE would you want to spend a single Afternoon with?

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

The Morning of Yesterday Dawned...

Well it seems I've not been writing this as much as I have done before now. But as now, as Tag (Hi Tag!), is writing on here again - which I'm very grateful for so I can read something more in the mornings as I get ready to fill my day with meaningless pointlessnesses and of course work.

So here is where I tell you (Hi Tag) why I've been 'manstruating' as you called it. This is mainly because I know you're just about the only person reading this, maybe Cherrybelly and Niti as well though (Hi Guys!!!)

Mainly I've been sad, I suppose, because I am still mourning my Grandfather. It surprises me as well, believe me. Its been five months and he's been floating in and out of my thoughts this whole time. It's very bizarre. But I know he's in a better place now, as much as you doubt it Tag.

But then if I don't tell you the second thing I'd be lying to myself as well. A larger part of this manstruation is, and I know there's obvious nerves about moving in the big wide world, living in it, living away from home, living with friends, living in Carmarthen, living away from home, getting a job, being able to pay my way, and of course just being happy, but no its not any of that. Its actually, believe it or not, as most of these posts involve her, about HB Sauce.

I don't quite know why but it probably because, she properly, officially, dumped me - as much as a person can dump another person they weren't actually going out with. She did this on New Year's Eve, much to my disappointment and well rehearsed lines. But its just been playing on my mind ever since - so I will go quiet some days and pretend to be sad, but I'm just thinking about things that are obviously too big for me to understand.

She just doesn't like me that way which is something I've just got to get over, and no one can help me with it. I think the real problem is that we're good friends and its the closest thing I've had to having a girl friend since ever so I'm just emotionally and mentally retarded and reading signals that just don't exist. I'm a fool.

I promise my next post will be something worth reading and be much happier.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...