It Comes In Waves...

Well like I say, it comes in waves, but what? you ask...

This week has been quite a peaceful one, my Brother started college, my Sister was in work, my Mother went to Turkey, and my Father was also in work - which was quite out of character. I had the house to myself to get on with Real Magic. Just sit down and properly go over it, start sending it out to people and places.

I even gave a copy to my Job Centre Adviser and she was ecstatic! That was quite alarming, but I was the talk of the Job Centre for my brief visit, and I look forward to seeing if she's read it at all. It was a strange concoction of emotions, I've only ever given it to one other person outside of my friends and he said that it was 'very good and it could be better.' 

So praise, excitement, and pride are definitely on the list, and then there's also worry, and fright keeping me very grounded. Until I get a message back from an Agent saying - 'Yes, we'd like to take you on and sell your book' - then I stay my quiet self (HAHA).

But I keep getting the feeling that Real Magic, now it's almost over, helped me block out the real issues in my mind. While I was lost in my imagination, pretending things were fine, or not if you've read the story, I've been ignoring the rest of the world.

It hit me yesterday, when I was pegging out washing of all things. My sister had a monopoly on the car all week, and I said, at the start of the week, that I wanted it on Saturday. This sparked an argument as she was planning to go to Bristol to shop, by herself might I add. I had another plan I hadn't suggested to people yet, and that was to drive certain parties to Tintern Abbey, as it had been the plan before a while messy situation.

Now, me having not invited the parties yet, as it was Monday, and I thought I'd do it later in the day, meant that my plans were still up in the air. I didn't know whether people would be free or not, I hadn't checked. So Natalie's going to Bristol tomorrow and I'm not going to Tintern Abbey.

The parties in question, you've guessed it, were Dark Horse and HB Sauce. So you can watch as the anger built up in me. I could have started to make amends again, being stunted as you know by the busy day coffee offer in the previous blog, but I couldn't.

And then I saw, later on, that Dark Horse had bought a car, the thought of everyone moving on with their lives weighed on me, as I'm still unable to get a job because no one wants to give me one, and therefore I'm not able to move out, etc.

And then, while pegging out washing, all these thoughts hit me at once, from my Sister's selfishness, to Dark Horse's car (I think it's partly HB's as well, but I don't know where she got the money from), and then I thought - perhaps they'd go to Tintern Abbey by themselves. 

Perhaps they'd go do something I'd suggested, without me, perhaps they'd also go to Warwick Castle as HB suggested, and perhaps visit GG and go to Glastonbury Tor without me as well. It brought a tear to my eye and I broke a few pegs as well. I was so angry, and the whole time I could hear Pill's voice saying - 'You know they'd planned to go for ages, and they went.'

WTF?!

No they hadn't, it was my suggestion, my contribution, and I'd feel very upset if they did it without me. HB and I were talking about Venice a long while before Dark Horse came along, Assassin's Creed 2 saw to that, and then there was the entire European Tour we planned one summer, I've still got the journey map, are you going to claim that they planned all that by themselves as well?! And then he'd go on to say: 'You know, they talk every day, they're best friends.'

ARGH!

And all the while, as I'm saying and thinking that I used to speak everyday, for hours, to HB, and how we were best friends (sorry Clareg, we're best friends as well, you understand), I just feel like I've been replaced. Left out in the cold, with no way of getting back in. 

It's nice to have everyone's support and friendship, it's really nice, and I don't want you guys to ever feel like I've been replacing you, ignoring you, or using you, ever - but know this, and you might understand, it's just not the same without HB. 

I miss all the moments, and all the times, and everything, unique to us. And I fear that she doesn't - also because of something Pill said, but I won't get into that.

It's like if Clareg and I weren't best friends nearly all our lives. He wouldn't have become friendly with Clareyloo earlier on and it might have taken a while longer for them to get together. And I would have been that guy who knew everyone's names and likes and dislikes, but no one would have known me. 

HB gave me someone to really talk to about anything and everything, nearly all times of the day - except the mornings - she hates mornings. 

I miss everything...and now I'm crying, why am I crying?! Come on man, man up! Let's go play L.A. Noire...

Oh...but before I go, I should mention that after the anger and everything, the xbox couldn't distract me, nor cooking, but my Brother put on Dead Poets Society, and I was wonderfully reminded...

Carpe Diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. I should also mention that without Real Magic distracting me, I might be writing more of these, but without it distracting me, you might also get a lot more anger from me. Who knows...

The First Steps...

Well this has been a long time coming...

If you've been following this erratically posted blog for a while, you will know that I'm quite an emotionally unstable person, even though I might not show it in person (I don't know, do I?). Either way, you may also know that I am, I have been, or I was smitten with HB Sauce - a little time travelling gag for you there TAG.

Anyway, over the last over-a-month I've gone through a tremendous amount of emotions, ranging from silence, upset, and miserable, to anger, frustration, and confusion. I've been angry at the world, angry at her, angry at myself, and I don't think I was angry for any of the reasons you're thinking...

As you know, I'm as emotionally stunted as a teenager with a crush pituitary gland, though they're also physically stunted, but meh. And that might come from my inexperience in anything like that. I'm a friend person, I have more friends than many people think I should I. I don't know why, but that's, in turn, always made me a happier person, or a happy, jolly person that you always consider me to be. I don't know whether that's because I insist on wearing the Santa suit at Christmas, or just because I'm fat, but meh again.

But the bottom line is, I think I was angry at the world for trying to know my business, all of the time, I was angry at her for dropping me in Lonelyville (population 1) and making me feel like an outcast with my friends, and making feel replaced I suppose. And I was angry at myself for thinking all of the above, and even doing something I have no memory of. I might not know what it is, but it's affect has been so dramatic and hard felt that I regret it. 

So here's me making my first proper steps towards my bridge building process. I was going to bring up something last week when I dropped HB home after TAG's birthday events. I didn't because it was such I nice time, I didn't want it to ruin anything. It was like nothing had happened, even though we knew that something had. 

Now I've just text her to see if she wanted to get a Cold Coffee later, so I can admit that I 'Fucked Up' and that 'I know I've had chances, and I don't expect any more. But I want, more than anything, to just be your friend again.' And if she doesn't then I'm going to have to live with her decision, because I've hurt us both enough by now, and enough is enough.

She just text back saying that she's busy...at least she text back - Round 1 to me XD

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Real Magic, is so very nearly done. And so very nearly sent away to Publishers and Agents. I'm gonna have to find something else to distract myself with - Minecraft, cleaning, and cooking don't seem to cut it.

High Fidelity Style...

Okay, so I realise that I'm not very good at this whole daily blog thing, but I might not be able to write about my day very well, but I can write about what's going on in my head...

I know, a very dangerous place to be, but I'll give it a go.

I used to watch RomComs for the endorphins, the rush of happiness to top the happiness levels that I was already consuming. I suppose that's a bit greedy of me. But now, I've started to try and learn from them, how to apologise, how to get things back to normal, or maybe even better than normal.

I know I'm conning myself, but I thought I'd just let you know perhaps the Top 5 best ways - in the only way High Fidelity could do it. And then you can vote on it and we'll have a whole competition thing, and then I don't know, perhaps you could all dare me to do the one we vote on or something...

I know you're thinking this is a bad idea, but like I've said before, it's better that it gets written here than actually floating around in my head for the foreseeable future making me less mental.

#5 - 10 Things I Hate About You

Nothing says I love you better than most musicians. Though saying that, they're also quite good at singing about death and making it sound beautiful too, hmm...so why not buy her a musical instrument? Causing endless moments of 'do you remember the time's and apparent poetry.

#4 -How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Because you know she's lying to you and she knows that she's lying to you, so you should probably confront her about it before she disappears to Washington and out of your life. This also goes back to the running away from something thing I was talking about in a previous blog - you've gotta stick it out and see what's on the other side.

#3 - Failure to Launch

Get your friends to tie you up and lock you in a room with the person you're arguing with, without your consent and see what happens. As this is a movie I'm glad things worked out, because if they didn't then I'm sure it wouldn't have made the Top 5.

#2 - When Harry Met Sally

Big soppy, spontaneous and yet strangely scripted speeches are always the way to go aren't they? I don't know, and if that doesn't help, then I'm sure New Year's Eve is the perfect time of year. But I'm sure big speeches work all the time.

#1 - Just Friends

Or the truth. I don't think Ryan Reynolds can say it any honester than that. You've just go to have charisma, charm, and wit. And looking like Ryan Reynolds wouldn't hurt your chances either. Is it the be yourself thing? First you've got to find out who you are I suppose.

So that's my Top 5 - do you agree? Let me know in the comments, and I might High Fidelity a few more things a few more times, some other time.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

A Wall Of Wine...

A lot has been happening in Bridgend recently, well, not just Bridgend, but you get the drift...

So, Wednesday I wake up to see that our garden wall had been demolished, and a lot of excess sand, cement, and bricks later the builders charged too much and left it all in our garden. So today, when I should have been doing The Writing People's #SubSat...

...that's Submission Saturday for all of you who don't know, where by we showcase work that has been sent to us and that we have found quite interesting to read...

...I was instead shifting half a ton of sand with my family, and cleaning up the garden, then I built a path out of bricks and sand, which involved me moving the sand from the back to the front again. All in all, the garden's a mess. I love these days, 'family days'...erm wait, no I don't. Every time we go out into the garden there's always something we get called in to do. There's never a day off in this house.

I get to work on my writing in the week, but on weekends, the house is full, its busy, and there's always someone who wants you to do something for them. Writing never gets done on the weekend, and that truly pisses me off.

I can't wait to see where life takes me when I do write on weekends/get the chance to write on weekends. So anyway, that means I'm yet another day behind writing Real Magic. Oh well, you can't rush these things I suppose.

I particularly hate the weekends at the moment, mainly because I can't write, and writing, for me, at the moment is the only thing that gets me away from my horrible situation. I find myself on car journeys, in ad breaks, in the shower, just getting angry. I look at myself in the mirror and practice things I'm going to say to her about the whole situation. 

The idea is to not try and care, but the issue I have is...I seem to care.

There's been plenty of things recently, this weekend, so far, that have been a welcome distraction last night I was invited to my friend Jess' 21st Birthday, where there were friends, people off the internet/YouTube, directors in the early stages, and booze. Oh, and beer pong, which I might be good at.

And the second thing of the weekend, was quite a surprise. Wodge got in contact and said 'Hi'. We caught up on things, well a few things, and it turns out she's been reading the Blogs. So hello again Wodge if you're reading.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. I don't think I'm very good at this daily blog thing. For one, I don't do it daily, and on the days that I don't very much, I can't really write very well about the things I didn't do. But we'll see...

Employment And Other Things...

Well I think the news has gotten out now, mainly because I told everyone in the last blog, but I did actually reject - in a very roundabout way - my first job opportunity...

Well I say it's my first job opportunity, my first job was offered to me when I was seventeen, by a shopkeeper who I was friends with. But more on that on another occasion I think. As you all know, I rejected the job offer at the Call Centre.

And just as I thought I had closed the door of employment for the time being, it leaked in through the window. Because we all know that employment can be seen as a very wet thing, perhaps a storm, in this on-going metaphor of my life. What do you think?

Anyway, after rejecting, in a roundabout way, a job I really didn't want to do, I managed to acquire myself a work experience position in a local publishing house, and if that wasn't enough I also managed to spark up a meeting between me and a local editorial group - I know what you're all thinking, it doesn't pay the bills. No, you're right there, they really don't pay the bills, but they're all real-world experience in a world I want to be a part of.

I was having a conversation with HB and her Cousin yesterday, and they're both fed up of the jobs they have, and just want to get to the careers they, we, and I deserve. We didn't all work for those bloody degrees to work on Customer Service until we're in our late twenties.

I think the problem with me is that I'm just ambitious and a dreamer, waiting for the world to make sense to me, and serve itself up on a plate of silver and gold. And now I know why we came up with the term 'silver platter'.

Anyway, I just wrote on Twitter (@BigTomAjax) that this and Disney films were obviously the cheapest form of therapy, so let's get on with that therapy business.

Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney film, it's not the best one, but it is my favorite. I just told someone that, much to their surprise. So without further ado, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure, that I welcome you tonight - as we analyse which of the characters I would probably suit the best.

I don't think I'm either of the male leads, I'm not as much of a meat head as Gaston, and I don't have Beast's rugged charm (otherwise I'm sure I would have already won over Beauty and be living happily ever after until death in our grand French Enchanted Castle with a staff of hundreds). Nor am I the female protagonist, I'm smart, but I'm not that smart.

As for supporting roles, I'm not Codsworth, Chip, Mrs Potts, or the simply handsome and irresistible Lumiere. And nor am I Belle's Father - that would be wrong as I quite fancy Belle.

In actual fact I think I'm more the trusted, loyal, and brave in the face of danger, but completely willing to run away from danger trying to save the ones I love Phillippe - and if you were wondering, yes that's the Horse.

Though of course being Phillippe I have the aspirations of becoming the Beast, and all his might, bravery, and getting-the-girlness. Would you believe that? What do you think?

Well there we are then, if I'm a little shorter with women, then I'm sure I'll make some ground somewhere. Now don't read into this next bit, because it's been going on in my head all evening, so I thought I should get it down on paper and make the voices stop. And like I say, this is cheap therapy. I wonder if something good will span from this next bit, but just ignore it and skip to the end if it's boring...

W:

Are you not talking to me?

M:

I'm trying to ignore you.

W:

Why?

M:

Because I like you.

W:

That doesn't make any sense.

M:

It does to me. It hurts me every day knowing that I like you but you don't like me, all because of my mistakes.

W:

I never said I didn't like you, and would you stop bringing up those 'mistakes'. You always do this when you're drunk.

M:

I love you. Is that what you want to hear?

W:

No.

M:

I know, I had my chance and I should leave it. But when something feels so right it's that much harder to leave behind.

W:

Don't do this to yourself.

M:

Everyone already thinks we're going out. My parents, your parents, our friends, your friends, my friends. Everyone, even strangers. Everyone knows, apart from us.

W:

Please stop. I don't want History to repeat itself.

M:

But that's all History does. Repeat and repeat until something changes for good or...

W:

Yes, or... I don't want to hurt like that again.

M:

I can promise you won't ever hurt again.

W:

No you can't, but I like that you care. But enough's enough.

M:

No it's not. Not for me. And I'm sure that's what you keep telling yourself to stop yourself from doing this.

W:

Please stop this.

And I think I should stop there because the voices in my head are starting to sound a bit teary. I don't know what that'll turn out to be. Maybe a superb play/musical. Oh I'm the queerest straight man from these parts you'll ever meet. But I try. That's enough talking for the moment I think.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

There's Clearly Something There That Wasn't There Before...?

Yet again, in the whole confusion of my mind and soul I find myself thinking this same question over and over again. Should I or shouldn't I?

I think you all know by now, as you've all clearly read the previous ninety-seven posts that I am almost certainly obsessed/in love/stalking/whatever you want to call it with a woman named HB Sauce (names and descriptions are often left out here due to my unwillingness to spread the word and generally acknowledge these thoughts). Well recently again, as its happened before and it will no doubt happen again and again until something changes, I've been seeing things that might not probably exist and are just the friendly advances of a girl I have fancied for donks - and for you American readers, and generally everyone else 'donks' is not an action but a measure of time, like giffy and mandellas.

Anyway, you know this, and I know this, and I'm quite sure that even she knows this, but it's a hard thing not to discuss anything of the sort with anyone I know, and even here, due to the denial factor in my head not willing to hear negative feedback. I can take criticism and negativity about anything and everything in life and my writing but not about this subject. I don't know why, maybe I'm just not attached to any of the above...that makes me sound like a bad writer - scrap the entire paragraph!

Either way, I can't get this thought out of my head that she actually likes me and that I should do something about it. And if that wasn't enough to urge me on, certain comments from both our families expect us to have done so already or we will do soon. And yet again that's just get together and not something sordid. So as you can see there's not only pressure in my head but also in my life...it's unneeded pressure indeed, but reassuring, if not misleading.

I should mention here that our families spent a bit of time together over the Christmas and New Year period - my mother is friends with HB's Aunt and has been before HB and I knew about one and other. Its just a very odd situation to be in, her extended family seems to know me by name and she continually hangs out with me and, in fact, we're going to have Sushi tomorrow before coming back to mine for a movie and maybe some telly.

Hang on? Are we dating? Is that what this is? Are we dating without actually saying that we're dating? I don't know why I use the term 'date' it might be due to the fact that I have never had one, and I'm actually completely naive in the ways of intimacy and subtlety and women for that matter. That doesn't mean that I'm much better at understanding the ways of men, but I like to think so, as I am one. Either way, my head has just gotten round to thinking that we are actually, to use the term, 'going out'.

I'm almost definitely being stupid, but if you've got any advice on the matter then please don't hesitate to comment.

She's being friendly and I'm more than likely misreading the signs again. I've never been this close to a girl before, and I hate that I can't say anything, or at least feel like I can't because we've 'talked' before. I don't think I ever got a word in edge ways in those talks and I probably went with whatever she wanted. Well I've changed a lot since those 'talks' but my feelings haven't. There must be something wrong with me, I must have blocked out all the 'talks' and plowed on through. I'm a mental...

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough for the time being, I've got to go prepare some vegetables now. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

The Awkward Moment When...

Well you know where this is going...

*YET ANOTHER EMOTIVE AND HEART-WRENCHINGLY TRAGIC INSIGHT INTO HOW MY MIND IS TICKING OVER. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE STOMACH FOR SUCH THINGS PLEASE SKIP AHEAD UNTIL YOU SEE THAT I'VE HIT THE CAPS BUTTON AGAIN*

I don't know why I use this blog as a sort of diary, but here goes nothing...

Typically the dark days of winter are notorious for dark thoughts of loneliness and betrayal. And that, with the added cabin fever, makes everyone quite cranky and on edge but also slothful and glutenous.

Well yesterday I think I reached my tipping point and spilled all this darkness and fever and edgy gluttons everywhere. Well I say everywhere, it was just to one person, and it was just one thing I said, but it put me on edge and opened my eyes to how much of a fool I really am. I'll give you three guesses who this person was...

All I said was, well it was a completely childish thing to say really, and I don't think I'll repeat it, because it was so stupid and childish, but either way it made her say 'Dude, don't be awkward. You know what I mean.' And I replied 'Yes I do.'

Well I'm now hugely embarrassed because the whole thing told me that I was being a truly unsubtle being, which is something no one wants. You can't force anything to happen, you just have to be natural about the whole situation. Though saying that, at the same time I can't stop feeling this way. I don't know what to say about the whole situation. People expect us to be more than what we are, which at the moment we're just good friends, which is not what my mind wants us to be, though at the moment it's thinking that we've had a falling out because of this whole thing and that we're both going to be awkward about everything and everyone. But that's just my mind being my mind. I think it's because of these winter months. No one in my family does well, mentally, in the winter - mainly because we all have to spend time with each other.

*YOU MAY CONTINUE READING FROM HERE IF YOU SKIPPED THROUGH THE TERRORS ABOVE ME EARLIER*

Well thankfully I think that's enough of that, and I should possibly take this opportunity to tell you that I have been drawing. It's something to do, and if it amuses people then who am I to deny my abilities? If you want to read any of the 'Badly Drawn Adventures of Big Tom' then please click away!

New Years is just around the corner, and once it's happened I'll be glad, I don't know why it always feels like a fresh start, but everyone always treats it as one. We're all going to lose weight and achieve great things this year! Well for some of us that's bound to be true. This year, at least, I'm going to become a driver, and a member of the healthy and employed. And if I achieve all that then I'm sure my other goals, like moving out, becoming a proper Author, and travelling the world will eventually follow. That might be a lot for just one year you're thinking, but it's a leap year as well so we have even more time to fulfill our dreams and stop sitting at home, at our desks, dreaming.

Well said? I think so. To all of you, a very Happy New Year. I hope to see, speak, and hear from you all very soon. With lots of Love...

Carpe diem! Until next time bloggers...

Fly Me To The Moon...

I was watching a film today, and it got me thinking. I really do like how some people say those few magical words that make others fall instantly in love with them. So with out any further ado, here are my 'Top 5' -

5. Three To Tango

4. Stranger Than Fiction

3. Beauty and the Beast

2. Love Actually

(I had to link this one because the Embedding was disabled for some reason - so click the name.)

1.When Harry Met Sally

So if you liked my 'Top 5' then by all means comment down below and tell me how much you liked it. If you didn't then please compete and comment down below with your 'Top 5' - I'd love to see them. I am a sucker for a Romantic Film after all.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

Job Searching Rain Drops...

I know some of you judge me for being lazy and unemployed but I don't know whether you know this. I've actually been looking for jobs for quite a while. Admittedly they are online jobs, but where else am I going to get a Writing Job around here?!

I don't know whether my expectations have sunk low enough to apply for the Glamorgan Gazette yet, but a job's a job right now. I don't know. I've contemplated many times right now just marching down to town and finding any sort of retail job that's going. I know it'll kill me slowly inside, but money is as money does. I don't think I'm cut out for retail. But we shall see.

Perhaps I should become a Baker instead of a Writer - I'm watching/catching up on the Great British Bake Off and I'm getting great urges to bake/make something.

I'm just a little down today, I'm sure its because of the weather.

I don't know whether I can write in this state, but I'm going to certainly try. My editor got back to me this afternoon and told me that my previous review didn't quite cut it. I thought that was me out of it, but now he's given me the opportunity to do my own style. Absolutely anything. I don't know about you, but that much freedom is a very daunting thing to have. It's a definitely Eeeky situation.

So to sum up, I'm going to try and find any old job to apply for, and I'm going to write no matter what, be it a book, an article, or manual for tractors. I really do want to become a writer, and I think at this point I've just got to leave behind all this emotion stuff, and stop feeling down for myself. Emotions just get in the way, with the weather being what it is.

Tag, hurry up, I want to watch the first video of our enterprise!

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Mistress, I don't know whether that was your name or not, I'm not Sam, and Smeccles that's not you. Much love.

Silver Clios and 30 Rock...

Well as I was exhausted after doing barely anything on Wednesday - after Graduating on Tuesday. Oh yes, I've Graduated. Pictures on Facebook, enjoy.

Either way, on Wednesday it was the 6th July 2011. Now if you didn't know - and I don't think you do, the 6th July 2010 was the first and only time HB Sauce asked me out.

I have only, at the moment, 3 major failures in my life, and messing up at 11pm on 6th July 2010 is my number one. Which is a pity because, right now, that I'm living at home, and not with my makeshift family back in Carmarthen, every single Silver Renault Clio I see, I hope its hers. Damnit! This is getting too sad now.

Its also rather strange seeing as everyone back in Bridgend thinks that HB and I should be together because they're all pushing for it as well. Its like the Universe is speaking to - well just me actually.

Okay, so plans for becoming the man HB wants:

1. Learn how to drive - Not only will this be excellent for my confidence but if I know how to drive then I can be spontaneous more often and take her out at the drop of a hat. And surprise her and the like.

2. Vin Diesel it up. Not only will it be good for my self-esteem and my overall health, but if I look sexy then there's always the hope.

3. Become the Breadwinner. If I have a good job, then obviously my life is going to be easier, and I will be able to do the whole learning how to drive and getting a car, the insurance, and move out eventually.

So I've got to stick to those things and all will be well.

But for now I will return to 30 Rock, which is a brilliant American Comedy to rival How I Met Your Mother. It stars Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin, and what else can I say but watch it!

Carpe Diem, until next time bloggers...

The Pangs of Life...

As you know the University Experience is over and as such everyone is moving out.

This an unfortunately sad occasion therefore and everyone is kind of on edge and doesn't know how to move on. Others are just leaving, ripping off the plaster as it were.

I, however, am lingering on to the very last.

I remember why I liked my degree and why I worked at it and got distracted in all the geeky things I do - I liked it and those geeky things because it all made me forget about how sorry my life actually is.

Damn it, I hate feeling sorry for myself especially when I know I shouldn't be. There are people who are far worse off than I but this still happens. When I don't have anything to do I always realise how alone in the world I actually am. And not only that but the person I actually do fancy/admire/love doesn't seem too bothered in me. That makes me feel great.

Pill thinks I should tell her the reasons behind me not saying 'Yes' to her last summer, but I don't want the relationship, if one emerges, to begin on a bed of excuses. Man oh man I'm love-sick and I just don't want to continue saying any of this but I've got to vent somehow!

I just don't want to hurt anymore.

I just hope with all this pain and anguish that I can write some bloody good poetry.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...