Yet again, in the whole confusion of my mind and soul I find myself thinking this same question over and over again. Should I or shouldn't I?
I think you all know by now, as you've all clearly read the previous ninety-seven posts that I am almost certainly obsessed/in love/stalking/whatever you want to call it with a woman named HB Sauce (names and descriptions are often left out here due to my unwillingness to spread the word and generally acknowledge these thoughts). Well recently again, as its happened before and it will no doubt happen again and again until something changes, I've been seeing things that might not probably exist and are just the friendly advances of a girl I have fancied for donks - and for you American readers, and generally everyone else 'donks' is not an action but a measure of time, like giffy and mandellas.
Anyway, you know this, and I know this, and I'm quite sure that even she knows this, but it's a hard thing not to discuss anything of the sort with anyone I know, and even here, due to the denial factor in my head not willing to hear negative feedback. I can take criticism and negativity about anything and everything in life and my writing but not about this subject. I don't know why, maybe I'm just not attached to any of the above...that makes me sound like a bad writer - scrap the entire paragraph!
Either way, I can't get this thought out of my head that she actually likes me and that I should do something about it. And if that wasn't enough to urge me on, certain comments from both our families expect us to have done so already or we will do soon. And yet again that's just get together and not something sordid. So as you can see there's not only pressure in my head but also in my life...it's unneeded pressure indeed, but reassuring, if not misleading.
I should mention here that our families spent a bit of time together over the Christmas and New Year period - my mother is friends with HB's Aunt and has been before HB and I knew about one and other. Its just a very odd situation to be in, her extended family seems to know me by name and she continually hangs out with me and, in fact, we're going to have Sushi tomorrow before coming back to mine for a movie and maybe some telly.
Hang on? Are we dating? Is that what this is? Are we dating without actually saying that we're dating? I don't know why I use the term 'date' it might be due to the fact that I have never had one, and I'm actually completely naive in the ways of intimacy and subtlety and women for that matter. That doesn't mean that I'm much better at understanding the ways of men, but I like to think so, as I am one. Either way, my head has just gotten round to thinking that we are actually, to use the term, 'going out'.
I'm almost definitely being stupid, but if you've got any advice on the matter then please don't hesitate to comment.
She's being friendly and I'm more than likely misreading the signs again. I've never been this close to a girl before, and I hate that I can't say anything, or at least feel like I can't because we've 'talked' before. I don't think I ever got a word in edge ways in those talks and I probably went with whatever she wanted. Well I've changed a lot since those 'talks' but my feelings haven't. There must be something wrong with me, I must have blocked out all the 'talks' and plowed on through. I'm a mental...
Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough for the time being, I've got to go prepare some vegetables now. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.
Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...