Tuesday, 4 September 2012

The First Steps...

Well this has been a long time coming...

If you've been following this erratically posted blog for a while, you will know that I'm quite an emotionally unstable person, even though I might not show it in person (I don't know, do I?). Either way, you may also know that I am, I have been, or I was smitten with HB Sauce - a little time travelling gag for you there TAG.

Anyway, over the last over-a-month I've gone through a tremendous amount of emotions, ranging from silence, upset, and miserable, to anger, frustration, and confusion. I've been angry at the world, angry at her, angry at myself, and I don't think I was angry for any of the reasons you're thinking...

As you know, I'm as emotionally stunted as a teenager with a crush pituitary gland, though they're also physically stunted, but meh. And that might come from my inexperience in anything like that. I'm a friend person, I have more friends than many people think I should I. I don't know why, but that's, in turn, always made me a happier person, or a happy, jolly person that you always consider me to be. I don't know whether that's because I insist on wearing the Santa suit at Christmas, or just because I'm fat, but meh again.

But the bottom line is, I think I was angry at the world for trying to know my business, all of the time, I was angry at her for dropping me in Lonelyville (population 1) and making me feel like an outcast with my friends, and making feel replaced I suppose. And I was angry at myself for thinking all of the above, and even doing something I have no memory of. I might not know what it is, but it's affect has been so dramatic and hard felt that I regret it. 

So here's me making my first proper steps towards my bridge building process. I was going to bring up something last week when I dropped HB home after TAG's birthday events. I didn't because it was such I nice time, I didn't want it to ruin anything. It was like nothing had happened, even though we knew that something had. 

Now I've just text her to see if she wanted to get a Cold Coffee later, so I can admit that I 'Fucked Up' and that 'I know I've had chances, and I don't expect any more. But I want, more than anything, to just be your friend again.' And if she doesn't then I'm going to have to live with her decision, because I've hurt us both enough by now, and enough is enough.

She just text back saying that she's busy...at least she text back - Round 1 to me XD

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Real Magic, is so very nearly done. And so very nearly sent away to Publishers and Agents. I'm gonna have to find something else to distract myself with - Minecraft, cleaning, and cooking don't seem to cut it.

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