A Few More Ups and Downs...

I'd firstly like to start my addressing and apologising to DarkHorse:

'I'm very sorry for forgetting to apply for the list of Civil Service jobs you sent me. I was half way through applying for one when something must have happened, I don't know what it was, or would have been, but it completely slipped my mind until you reminded me today. And unfortunately the application process had ended. I'm sorry for your wasted efforts, but I'm very grateful for your effort

Sorry again.'

And that might lead on to something I may or may not discuss today, it all depends on where my mind goes. In fact, my mind is exactly what I aim to talk about for a short while. I have no clue what it's doing or why it's doing it. I remember dates and times and things, but I really can't remember why they're relevant. I only know I'm busy on Saturday, and Next Saturday, and the Saturday after that, etc., but I can just about remember why. 

Obviously I know what's happening on the 13th, no need to discuss that. Really it should be the 15th, but we're not young and free any more. 

Using Facebook, however, I could tell you that this Saturday is a Cowpot's birthday (look it up, the ice cream is wonderful), but I've started to relate that as the next time I get to see Tag, Cherrybelly, and Wodge (as I've learnt that Pill and DarkHorse won't be present). I suppose that's a very good thing. But my mind's all muddled.

I woke up this morning, and all it seemed to be set on was HB, as cliched as it might sound. It wondered how she was, and what she was doing. (It turned out that HB was sent the same vacancies by DarkHorse and she also failed to apply for them - at least I'm not the only one in her bad books.) And then it thought that how am I going to ignore her, if she's ignoring me. It's quite difficult, to say the least.

Anyway, HB left my mind, not long after I reached the Job Centre (ah yes, it's a Job Centre day). Having been, apparently, unable to find employment for the 9 months I've been on Job Seekers, I've no got a definite time limit of the 31st October or else!...but we'll get on to that.

Advisor, my Advisor if you hadn't guessed, hasn't been seeing me my entire time at the Job Centre, she was newly trained and I waited until August to meet her. And that's only really when the Job Centre became useful to me. Anywho, I gave Advisor a copy of Real Magic, and she seems to be enjoying it. She said it was exciting and intriguing as she read it. She's still reading it, but that was good hearing that (it's only been rejected 3 times so far by Wade and Doherty, Diana Banks, and Johnathon Clowes). 

But that was the good news I received today, she then went on to say the ultimatum. And we got talking, and I should have really been put onto a Government Work Program on the 6th (something Advisor doesn't want me to do because it's for the people who want to stay on benefit) so she boosted me until the 31st. She stuck her own neck out for me. I offered to Sign Off if she was going to get in trouble, and avoid the Work Program, as advised, but she said that she would do this instead. 

So, October 2012 is when I get a job. I have to, otherwise I'll be letting someone else down, and I think we can all agree, I've done far too much of that this month.

Time to get my fucked up life in order. It's not as fucked up as most, but you know. I've managed to fracture my uni friendship circle, I've failed to get so many jobs (due to being unsuitable), and I'm sure I've disappointed all of you at least once.

I can't seem to forget all my failures, my mistakes, and all the people I miss/have wronged, and yet I'm forgetting everything else. Perhaps, if I start getting things right, things might get back to normal, who knows.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Hello India, it's been a looong while. I'm glad you think I've grown as a person. I was talking earlier, with Clareg, about how both me and he have changed so much in all our years as friends (I've known him since he was 4).

P.S.S. Tag, talking about what your mother was doing when she was your age sounded awesome. I think my mother was either in Admin or Education and my Father was in Uni until he was 29, the lucky sod lol.

Borderlands is Hard...

Bit of a weird one...

Thinking I've not been very productive recently I look back and see that in actual fact I have. For instance, this morning, I've written a Borderlands 2 First Impressions review, sent it to IGN.com (just to see if they were interested), applied for a Video Game and Film Fanatics Position (I think it's just sales, but a nice looking job is a nice looking job), and now I'm writing this whilst listening to Gangnam Style on the radio. 

I saw the video for that over the weekend and all I can say is...erm...

Anyway, I've gotten just a little stuck on Borderlands 2, the difficulty has increased incredibly, and I think I'm only half way, and it was difficult before. I like a challenging game. I only hope that other players I know - you know who you are - get stuck and we team together and defeat Handsome Jack. 

I don't know.

I think everything is just a big distraction from things that actually matter to me at the moment. But they're working, and I know that everything else will eventually catch me up. I don't know when, and I won't dwell on it. It's Job Scare time - well more so, it's always been Job Scare time, but soon my Jobseekers comes to an end (yes I've been on benefits for quite a while now). 

Dark Horse sent me an application to a job in her work place. I have no problem with the job, I just have an issue in getting there. It's an hour's walk from Newport Train Station and there doesn't seem to be a bus service that travels out to the outskirts of Newport. So that's my issue. Is it an issue? Am I just making excuses again? I don't know. Perhaps I am. I'll attempt to apply for it again later, I have a headache right now.

Too much talk. Too much late night nothingness. Too much sleep.

I have to be in Cardiff at 11am tomorrow to meet with my Prince's Trust Mentor. Lord help me, though saying that we're meeting in a coffee shop so caffeine will flow. And it turns out that Tag isn't working tomorrow so my dreams of going out for lunch during his lunch break have been shattered. Oh well, maybe some other time.

I have to go to a Job Fare on Wednesday as part of my Jobseekers business. Eek! Anywho...

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

Return to Pandora...

I don't know how I feel coming back and playing on my Xbox...

As you know, as of late, I've lost all appetite for just about anything and everything, including my Xbox. The feeling was not uncommon to going to the cinema with people I'm not used to going to the cinema with, and going places that I associate with that one person.

I don't know, it's weird, and I know it's going to all hit me at once when I see her again - and we are going to see each other again, I'm going to her birthday, we're going to Venice, it's going to be odd. 

I'm not sure whether we're pretending to be friends or not, or she's changed her number or something. But she's still, most definitely, ignoring me. Now I haven't been bugging her with texts about how I miss her, how this whole thing is stupid, how I don't even know how this started etc (okay there may have been one or two), but when I'm texting her about important things, i.e. how we're getting to London to get to the plane to go to Venice, I'd expect at least some recognition from the text.

I don't know, it's weird, and I can see that if we didn't have friends tying us together, HB and I would probably never have seen each other again if she chose to. And for me, there's nothing more upsetting in the world, than the feeling that she hates me, the feeling that we can't be friends, that feeling that things won't turn out okay in the end.

People keep telling me that things will work out in the end, but it's quite hard to see - she's stubborn don't you know.

I wonder...Tag? Did you listen to my insane ramble on Sunday? Did you start talking to anyone about anything?

Anyway, this was meant to be about the return to Pandora. As most of you should know, Borderlands 2 comes out tomorrow. In the run up Clareg bought Borderlands to see if he would like it, he does and we're very close to completing it. But the thing is, although I'm treating it as a distraction, I'm also getting that usual feeling. Borderlands was HB and I's game, it might still be for all I know. We were the ones who spent ours in her room playing and re-playing the game plus all of it's DLC. And we had planned on doing Borderlands 2 as well, though I doubt very much that that will actually happen. 

The feeling is very much like every time I step into my local cinema, it's the same with the Sushi place in Cardiff, and the journeys to Tag and Cherrybelly's and Pill's - I find Pill's to be the worst of all, because that's where it happened. Needless to say, I've only been there once since, and now that I think about it, that might be the cause of my negative feelings towards Pill (so sorry about that, I don't mean them).

I just feel like there's no way out of it, and that, if this part of my life was going well, then everything else would just slot into place.

And I get this feeling that she might be getting some conflicting and difficult thoughts as well. Her most recent writing seems to suggest so, but then her blog was titled 'Calling Bullshit' - which I felt was, in some way, directed at me.

Please read Evolution if you can: HERE

Her birthday present still hasn't arrived, but I how it's as cool as I think it is.

I might be nominated for an award, that's something at least. Which is pretty cool. And yesterday I applied for a work placement for a Feature Writer for a Woman's Magazine (I can't see it personally - I don't know women's interests, and another thing, it goes on for 10-weeks and I don't think they take into account holidays like an actual job would. The application also says must have drivers license, now I don't know whether that means, must have car as well - I've been down that route before. It didn't end well). I'm quite nervous about Dark Horse's applications for the Civil Service, it's not that I can't do the job, it's that I can't get to the job, but we'll see. 

Until next time bloggers...

The Week That Never Was...

Well last week was fun, but it didn't feel very much like a week at all...

Monday I had a meeting to join up with a local editorial group - CHECK

Tuesday I had a driving lesson which was loads of fun - CHECK (I should probably book my test after this)

Wednesday I had a meeting at the Job Centre - CHECK

Thursday I had to catch a train to Dark Horse's, where HB drove us to G's with my helpful, if slightly misleading directions - CHECK

Friday I had to enjoy the journey back from G's, directing as I went - CHECK

Well, as you can see, obviously I didn't think it was a week, after all I was only doing something on the first three days and had a small holiday on the last two. The week before however, HB had work almost all week so I was, dare I say it, bored out of my mind.

Anyway, this week I'm on Work Experience at a Publishers in town. One day down, and I'm enjoying it so far. Believe it or not, I have been reading all day. Which certainly makes a very pleasant change to everything else I've been doing recently - namely job seeking. I managed to read the best part of three manuscripts, and review them.

Well I say review them, the Publishers seemed more interested in my opinion and how I would try to sell the story. Which is quite an interesting way of approaching a review, don't you think. Though, saying that, I am slightly ashamed to say, that I might have shot down the dreams of those three manuscripts today, though my opinions might not have been bad, but they weren't the best - and that was certainly the case with the final one I looked at today. I sat at that desk reading and writing for almost eight hours, and I didn't take my lunch break, mainly because I wasn't hungry when lunch came round. It was quite pleasing to share my views on the first one with the Publisher, only to have him agree.

This is going to be an interesting week. I hope I'm working quickly and efficiently and doing what they ask correctly. It was all quite bizarre. I wonder what's in store for me tomorrow and the rest of the week. I'm sure I'll keep you up-to-date.

Also, this editorial group thing I'm a part of ('Bwsted') also got back to me today, setting up meetings with me, and praising me for my two of three articles they posted on their website. I don't know whether I can keep this up, but I will certainly try - I'm already tired.

It feels good to have done a proper day's work on something I enjoy.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. You can read my articles at these locations: 'The Networking Society' and 'Mass Effect 3: Take Earth Back'

Nearly There...

Well it's been a while, yet again, and, yet again, I can only apologise for my obvious lack of blogging between now and the last time I blogged.

Well it's been a very wet and relatively miserable January, well for the most part. I've signed on, had my first lot of payments and expect many more. I feel like a much larger person, mainly because all week I've been dining out on Take Away and now my jeans feel tight. I've been waking up late morning and going to bed after a late night. And I've neglected my writing, reading, and general exercise. Also this blog.

There is one thing though that, now I don't want to say keeps me going, because that just sounds completely depressing and bordering on the suicidal. So don't get me wrong when I say 'keeps me going' I'm not depressed or suicidal, I'm tired, just very tired. And the one thing that sort of wakes me up are my friends. They keep me awake, and annoyingly enough they keep me motivated when I'm with them, but I can't do anything, because I'm with them.

I feel drained, sort of stretched, like butter scrapped over too much bread.

Carpe *yawn* diem, until next time bloggers...

A Cup of Tea And A Slice Of Skyrim...

Well I say a slice of Skyrim, and I say a cup of tea, what I really mean is a damn sight more than a slice of the almighty legendary godly game that is Skyrim and a teeny bit more than just one cup of tea.

So, probably thirty-five teas, seventy-two coffee's, and nearly a full twenty hours sent playing Skyrim later I have returned to you my fellow following loyalists. Or should that read loyal fellow followers? Anywho, I've been well, though I think I'm now coming down with some wintery bug or another, which sucks tremendously.

The job search continues, I waited nearly a month to hear from just about anyone since my first CV-spree, and yet again I found myself doing it again today, and yet again I found nothing - well I say nothing. Comet on the other side of Bridgend (yes I walked all that way) took a CV off me - so I call that a 100% improvement from a month ago - they didn't take any last time, and now I shifted one! Yay me!

I know what you're thinking, is that sarcasm or is that actual excitement? Well, in truth, it's a bit of both. Sure I feel that, due to my graduate status (though that's not enough to get a graduate job, no I needed a 2.1 for that), I feel that I'm too good for a job as a Warehouse Associate, though the other part of me is saying, just grin and bare it, it's money, and no one truly dreams of a career in a Comet store. Do they? Either way, they took my CV, and I'm grateful. Next steps, actual Career moves - watch this space for more! (now don't I sound cool?)

So after that completely demoralising day-out and generally poor week (if you don't include Monday and Tuesday which were completely awesome - and I should probably tell you about them), I'm quite tired - but a tired man's work is never done. I have been trying to do NaNoWriMo - as you know - and I haven't really done any this week so I plan on doing a Write-A-Thon type thing to catch up soon. At the moment my total stands at 13,625 words, were my estimated total by today should be closer to 36,000 words. Okay, so I've got a lot of catching up to do, but I think the story's going to be quite good, even if the English and grammar isn't. And in saying that I'm sure you won't ever read it because, as I've described it before, it's a sort of fan-fiction of my own life. Sad isn't it? I'm my own fan. But then if others aren't who else are you going to turn to?

Anyway, NaNoWriMo-fails behind, Monday and Tuesday were the days of this week that I set aside for my Birthday, so presents, meals, more meals, gaming, presents, movies, meal, and more presents again. Which was absolutely brilliant, and what was even better was reliving my student days with a Midnight trip to Tesco with the lovely HB Sauce - cold coffee and talking, what better way to end a brilliant celebration of my getting older. I'm 22 now - look, look! I caught up!

BTW HB, I haven't had time to use my completely superb present yet, but Saturday comes, and cereal needs to be eaten! (Pictures to follow).

I think that's it for now. Until the next time I moan, let's see what I can do. Perhaps get some work experience in a newspaper or a publishing house - ah one can dream.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Truth, from now until my next blog I will answer any question you have for me completely truthfully - so give me your best shot.

P.S.S. Movember Update: as some of you have already seen, my Mo is a bit pathetic, but the only thing stopping me getting rid is the knowledge that you guys are sponsoring me. And if you haven't - it's for a good cause, so just click here and donate now!

The Rain In Spain...

I know, I know, I've been neglecting you again. I suppose there's no real excuse this time except to say that I'm distracted, though I might tell you about that later...

How're you? I trust you're well.

Things in my world are a little topsy turvy at the moment, well they may seem normal to you but its just feeling very weird and unstable to me. Things move fast and slow all at once, and nothing seems to be happening to me. Life just continues, and at the moment I'm an observer, I've been knocked off the path my some inconsiderate driver and I'm waiting for the Roadside Saviour to come along and help me.

Okay enough of the analogies, if anyone's going to help me, then it's going to be me more than anyone else. 'Always look out for Number One' my Mother says. It just seems too cut-throat and cruel to be true - but then I here about murders and suicides and fires on the news every evening and realise that this world really isn't as nice as I like to think it is.

But saying that, I'm no pushover myself. Or I like to think so, if you have anything to say on the matter then by all means leave a comment down below - I'd love to know what you think.

Last week was a busy time, a surprise birthday rendezvous for HB Sauce's birthday went off quite well I think - many incidents occurred and I hope HB enjoyed herself - after all that's all that matters, it was her birthday after all. People still call me a 'mug' (Hi Master) and I suppose I am, but it was a nice trip out either way - or at least I thought so anyway.

Driving is going well. I'm not quite the King of the Road just yet, but I think I can competently drive from my house to Wildmill and back without much problem (which is where I am in my learning by the way). I do need to brush up on my Highway Code though.

I've applied for a job at a well known superstore, thanks to HB's Aunt and Cousin who offered to get me a form and take it in for me. It might be an odd thing to you (I know what you're thinking) but I appreciated it all the same.

And it would seem, why all this was happening, and while Wales missed out on the Rugby World Cup Final, I found myself distracted, in the middle of it all just looking in, feeling lost, unwanted, and lonely. I don't know why - it's just this odd feeling I get every now and then. It's really quite stupid, but when I go a couple of days without seeing anyone except my family I feel that everyone else has gone away and they'll forget about me. And as I write this I realise that I have some similarities to the Dog herself (Yes Poppy, I mean you, stop tilting your head as if you know what I'm on about).

So this rut I'm stuck in better get out of my way, because I plan on powering through. And this self-therapy is definitely going to get me there.

Oooh, I just realised that my 100th Blog is coming up and I think I should do something special to mark my first century of blogs. Any suggestions?

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

I Should Never Have Advertised My Job Search...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

Just so you know, I'm not best please as of 5-minutes ago.

My mother has been looking for jobs for me. Graduate jobs. I don't know whether you know this, but Graduate jobs require 2.1s or higher. And I got a 2.2 (although I was a mark or two off the 2.1), and this is a great source of disappointment for my mother - and for me if I'm honest.

So there Mum is, looking at all these lovely jobs, and then saying 'Oh, it's in London' - Mum I know! - 'Why don't you move to London then?' - Do you think I have the money to move to London?!

And here's where the anger begins. Not only did I work very hard and acquire that shitty grade, not only did my mother hang up the phone when I told her, not only did she instill this idea that a 2.2 is a very disappointing thing and a great source of shame, but then she goes onto the Asda website.

I don't know about you but I really don't want to work in a Supermarket, and if I did Asda is definitely not the Supermarket I would choose. But then she clicks on the Asda Graduate Jobs Section. And as I have already clarified for a Graduate Job you need a 2.1 or higher. So it came as no surprise when she opened her insulting gob to say:

'You can't even get a job at Asda!'

I don't know why I bother sometimes. Perhaps I should just quit. I've never been one for quitting, but perhaps this is the time to start. Perhaps I should just crawl into a hole somewhere, and hunt fish in a small lagoon, until 500-years later someone comes along and steals my ring? What do you think? Would anyone care?

I wouldn't care for me right now in the foul mood she's put me in. Perhaps I should eat a dozen pancakes, dripping in syrup and ice cream, and call it a life. Good by world, my clotted arteries have decided that I'm not going to see you now. 'Tar-tar!'

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

Carpe diem (though not so much for me), until next time bloggers...

P.S. Some of the most successful people in the world didn't have any qualifications when they started. And there are even very successful people with Qualifications. So what's stopping me? This perfect inbetweener? The answer...nothing! The Sky's the Limit - CARPE DIEM!