I don't know how I feel coming back and playing on my Xbox...
As you know, as of late, I've lost all appetite for just about anything and everything, including my Xbox. The feeling was not uncommon to going to the cinema with people I'm not used to going to the cinema with, and going places that I associate with that one person.
I don't know, it's weird, and I know it's going to all hit me at once when I see her again - and we are going to see each other again, I'm going to her birthday, we're going to Venice, it's going to be odd.
I'm not sure whether we're pretending to be friends or not, or she's changed her number or something. But she's still, most definitely, ignoring me. Now I haven't been bugging her with texts about how I miss her, how this whole thing is stupid, how I don't even know how this started etc (okay there may have been one or two), but when I'm texting her about important things, i.e. how we're getting to London to get to the plane to go to Venice, I'd expect at least some recognition from the text.
I don't know, it's weird, and I can see that if we didn't have friends tying us together, HB and I would probably never have seen each other again if she chose to. And for me, there's nothing more upsetting in the world, than the feeling that she hates me, the feeling that we can't be friends, that feeling that things won't turn out okay in the end.
People keep telling me that things will work out in the end, but it's quite hard to see - she's stubborn don't you know.
I wonder...Tag? Did you listen to my insane ramble on Sunday? Did you start talking to anyone about anything?
Anyway, this was meant to be about the return to Pandora. As most of you should know, Borderlands 2 comes out tomorrow. In the run up Clareg bought Borderlands to see if he would like it, he does and we're very close to completing it. But the thing is, although I'm treating it as a distraction, I'm also getting that usual feeling. Borderlands was HB and I's game, it might still be for all I know. We were the ones who spent ours in her room playing and re-playing the game plus all of it's DLC. And we had planned on doing Borderlands 2 as well, though I doubt very much that that will actually happen.
The feeling is very much like every time I step into my local cinema, it's the same with the Sushi place in Cardiff, and the journeys to Tag and Cherrybelly's and Pill's - I find Pill's to be the worst of all, because that's where it happened. Needless to say, I've only been there once since, and now that I think about it, that might be the cause of my negative feelings towards Pill (so sorry about that, I don't mean them).
I just feel like there's no way out of it, and that, if this part of my life was going well, then everything else would just slot into place.
And I get this feeling that she might be getting some conflicting and difficult thoughts as well. Her most recent writing seems to suggest so, but then her blog was titled 'Calling Bullshit' - which I felt was, in some way, directed at me.
Please read Evolution if you can: HERE
Her birthday present still hasn't arrived, but I how it's as cool as I think it is.
I might be nominated for an award, that's something at least. Which is pretty cool. And yesterday I applied for a work placement for a Feature Writer for a Woman's Magazine (I can't see it personally - I don't know women's interests, and another thing, it goes on for 10-weeks and I don't think they take into account holidays like an actual job would. The application also says must have drivers license, now I don't know whether that means, must have car as well - I've been down that route before. It didn't end well). I'm quite nervous about Dark Horse's applications for the Civil Service, it's not that I can't do the job, it's that I can't get to the job, but we'll see.
Until next time bloggers...