Monday, 25 November 2013

I Am Not Depressed...

Well I was going to talk to you about yesterday where I wandered the realms of Skyrim, walked to the Bay and back, and then ate an all-you-can-eat (not a challenge) Chinese, before Red came over for a cuppa. Though, instead I thought I'd write about something Red mentioned, and I have now watched...

TomSka's new video:

Now, I won't go as far to say that I am/was depressed, or to say that there's something wrong with me, because for all we know, there's not. And as I keep saying to everyone I work with 'everyone has their off days'. But I've certainly been through some things. I've spent days in bed wondering why, I've woken up angry and sad and just mad at the world, I was a very angry child too. And I'm glad that I've grown out that stage, no one likes angry people. Pill says its not good to bottle it up, and Red even said yesterday that arguing was healthy. That makes sense, but I just don't an urge to be angry or to argue. 

On Thursday, I had a bad day. Just one of those days were you wake up and decide everything can go fuck itself. You know, a bad day. I sort of revisited it Saturday lunchtime when I pictured punching a few members of the public, and tearing them a new one. But anyway, my confessor made me sit down and tell her everything. And I did for the most part. She was trying to make sure it wasn't my friends making me this way, and it wasn't, it was just a bad day. In the past when I've had bad months and seasons I've always gone to visit Tag and Cherry, and slept on their sofa and refused to move. They're not the problem, I am. 

And it was suggested to me that I runaway, leave everything behind. Which I know certainly goes into the whole getting away, visiting somewhere new, having somewhere different to explore. And it seems everyone might be on similar pages - who'da thought? I've thought about running away in the past, but I was told that I can't run from life, I should just get on with it. And this time, I wasn't thinking of getting out, I'm not ready to drop everything and leave. I can't. It makes my stomach turn thinking about it. 

We all need a holiday, a long holiday, and I don't expect that we should return. (I am so psyched about Lord of the Rings on Friday!)

That bit where TomSka says that he's lost his passion for life, and everything else. That was me about a year or more ago. I had no desire to do anything. And I was even at the stage where I was thinking about suicide, but I knew I couldn't or wouldn't do that to myself. It's odd when you reason with yourself. But for now, I've got and for that matter, re-found, my writing. And as long as I've got something, I've got something to keep me sane (ish). 

Thanks for listening guys, good talk.

Music helps too.

Carpe diem guys!

No comments:

Post a Comment