Your past is behind you, and there's simply nothing you can do about it. When the world turns it's back on you, you turn your back on the world!...once said a very clever meerkat.
Yesterday, after some difficulty, I finally managed to arrange a table and a sort of plan for Saturday, when Wodge and her OH will be arriving in the Diff to spend time with the others and I. Though during the process Pill started speaking to me about feels again, and he generally thinks that I shouldn't keep anything in (health issues or something).
He said to me something along the lines of: 'you've had a very stressful few weeks, there have been some big changes. Are you okay?'
And I turned around and looked at him and said, 'yeah, I think I am.' I obviously said that everything with work was sorting itself out, and there's nothing to worry about, and that was about it. And then he brought up a few things that I really didn't care about, and nor was it my business to. I don't think that most people grasped the concept of change. I think I'm a better version of me, than I was a year ago, I know for a fact that I'm a different person.
I am under no illusions or stuck in an fantasies, I'm much stronger and fitter, and I'm more outgoing and adventurous. I have next to no unhealthy relationships, except perhaps with cream cakes and alcohol (not together obviously). And I really don't like it when people are worried about me, I like to know they care, but not worried (if you understand me, I know I can be confusing sometimes...most of the time).
You should never worry about me. I walk around this town as if I'm the alpha male! I'm the big dog here, and everyone else who doesn't know me should be afraid. Or that's the sort of thinking I want most people to have, in truth, I don't see anyone as a threat, I treat all with equality (which mostly consists of equal amounts of loathing and benefit of the doubt).
The past is the past, I can't go back and change it now. I know I've thought about it, but I've actually got to that point (well, I reached the point ages ago) where those things just don't seem to matter anymore. Past relationships, traumas, fights, the mugging. All of it gone.
And now there's just me...
Oh, and I'm not sure where I was going with that whole third person detective narrative thing. It was fun at the time. Maybe I'll pick it up again soon.