I just spent the last day, and majority of the week, by myself, like a big boy. And do you know what? I really don't like it...
I think it helps when I have work to be getting on with or to go to, but I've just not found anything to distract me to such an extreme today. It's happened before, and it'll undoubtedly happen again, where Pill, despite his insistence that I move in with him because otherwise he'll go mad by himself, has gone out without informing me of his plans...
Before I start sounding like a concerned parent. I don't care what Pill does in his spare time, or where he goes. It merely annoys me because since his condemnation of my cooking, he has taken up the mantle of cooking everything (namely curry or chili) and has banned me from doing anything because he either doesn't like what I cook, or the way I cook it. Therefore, when he doesn't come back from his daily outing, I'm left wondering what's for dinner, and since he went shopping to the cost of £75 last week (of which I paid half) I went to investigate what I could cook. As I explored I found four packs of frozen bacon and a pack of frozen sausages (cider and apple if you're wondering - and a variety I won't eat due to the unwanted sweetness in my savouries. I know I must be the only person to hate the coupling of pork and apple, but I do), some chips (why?), plenty of veg, three slices of bread, condiments, a chorizo, and some cheese. So, where's my food? I haven't eaten £30's worth of food this week, and I had to pay extra for that bread and cheese!
Needless to say, I didn't cook. I ordered some Chinese instead (cos I be lazy) and watched a movie wondering where the bloody hell they could be, when I see a Facebook status from DarkHorse mentioning HB's and food and such. Couples make plans all the time, I don't care, but I do mind when I'm not told that there are plans and that I should plan to be alone. I expected them to be back by about lunchtime with Pill's chirpy: 'just popping out' this morning.
I guess it all boils down to Pill wanting DarkHorse to move in, which of course means that we'll have to move. I've told him, like I told him from the start, I'm not living with a couple. I don't mind if she comes over and stays a while, but actually living with a couple, its just not something I saw myself doing this year. For one, I'll never get a say on anything.
Have you noticed that this group is fracturing? Or is it just me? Tag and Cherry don't like Pill and DarkHorse, Pill and DarkHorse don't like Tag and Cherry, Pill and I are going to fall out over this moving business because he wants to move his girlfriend in (I see the financial benefits, but on the other hand, no), I don't think HB and I have had a conversation in a year. Everything seems to be splitting again, and that's just the long and short of it.
Have I given up caring?
Pill might argue (and he would) that I leave him by himself all the time. And truth be it, yes, yes I do, but I probably wouldn't have done so much if he was ever in the flat in those early days. He still talks to me about money and other shit like that, and asks me about how secure my job is and completely fucks with my head all the bloody time. And yet he's the poor one, or so he says. He sits and talks to me about my life and suggests things I should do. Why is it his business?
I guess when I'm alone, all the dark thoughts do sort of come out. But there's always solace in it all. If I wasn't alone that one time, I wouldn't have randomly started talking to Red, and she wouldn't have become such a close friend as she is now. Tag and I wouldn't hangout so much I don't think, and we wouldn't all hangout together as much as we do. We wouldn't cinema, burger, sleep, and cat, all together. And I like that, but if it wasn't for loneliness it wouldn't have happened.
I know I can be an annoying and stupid prick sometimes but I just wanted to tell you all that. And I think I've ranted enough and gotten all my crazy out for one day. What do you think?
I'm going to start writing again, and hopefully get this short story finished this week. Then we'll see what I do with it.