The thing in question that I should be doing is applying for jobs and sending out my manuscripts - but there's still plenty of time in the day, so I thought I'd write one of these instead...
It's mainly brought on by a nice comment from...I've got to give him a codename so let's call him TechSanity...and TechSanity basically said that replacement was a natural feeling but a false one as people can't be replaced.
Which undoubtedly cleared up my anger, if in part, but then he went on and quoted:
'There are some things in life that don’t go the way you want them to or the way you think they should, but you can’t dwell on these because you’ll miss out on other opportunities. Don’t give up on something just because you don’t think things will work, you won’t know unless you give it a try. But don’t hold onto something that left a long time ago, because sooner or later you’ll realize some things just aren’t meant to be.'
Right, I think that needs to be broken down...
1. 'There are some things in life that don’t go the way you want them to or the way you think they should, but you can’t dwell on these because you’ll miss out on other opportunities.' I like to think of this as the Yes Man scenario. Don't miss opportunities, take life as it comes, become a nicer person without dwelling on the past - Hakuna Matata, it means No Worries.
2. 'Don’t give up on something just because you don’t think things will work, you won’t know unless you give it a try.' I think this speaks for itself, and is useful advice for everyone involved in messy situations you just want to runaway from. You've got to be brave, stand firm in the storm of doubt and all that rubbish.
3. 'But don’t hold onto something that left a long time ago, because sooner or later you’ll realize some things just aren't meant to be.' Now this is the confusing part for me. It doesn't go with the first two-parts. Or does it? In comparison to my situation, I didn't think HB's friendship with me left a long time ago, I know something else did - but that was a long while ago - even though I can't help but kick myself about it, even now. Unless of course, you all know something I don't...which, let's face it, you probably do.
I think the advice, however sound it is, might be falling on slightly deaf ears - and no HB that wasn't a crack at you. It all spans down to the fact that I still don't know what I did, I don't know how to fix it, and I keep being told that I can't. There's a definite lack of communication from anyone and everyone, and if this is it, then why don't I feel that way? Or for that matter, what the bloody hell did I do to end it?
I don't think I'll get round to understanding. I'm just waiting to be ignored on an invite list sometime soon. But I've never been one for defeat, or giving up, or other inspirationally difficult things to do. Or at least I don't think I am. I just need to know all the facts from the person in the know. We've not had the long-awaited 'talk' and then either the shit-storm will go down or something good might come from it, who knows?
The future is unwritten (I was watching Legion last night)
Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...