They're Here, They've Come...

It's a weird one, I'm all up and ready to go to work, but I've got another hour or so, and I'm thinking about what I can write on here today, but I'm coming up blank. So, let's do what I normally do and keep writing until something relevant appears on the page with a supporting opinion...

Yesterday was a busy day in work, and I got very tired quite soon after lunch. It's all the performing and running around with people and for people. And then I went shopping for the last bits of Mum's Christmas shopping, and that was successful after ten minutes of queuing. Luckily I got my queuing practice in in the Summer when we went to Alton Towers. Either way, dressing gown and slippers purchased and foolishly left in work. Just something else to cross off the list. Yes, there's a list. 

Have you seen one of today's Qwertee's? 

A 150 Pokemon for Christmas. Looks pretty badass. I wonder who makes all these. It should be a knitted jumper instead I think.

I'm going to a YouTube Gathering tomorrow. That's going to be odd. Hanging out with people I've never hung out before with, except Kim. I wonder what's on the agenda. Red's coming over tonight to hit the town with her work crew. So that leaves me either waiting up for her, playing Skyrim, possibly wrapping presents, and catching up on some telly after I've done the inevitable cleaning. Or I could gather some friends of my own and hit the town too. Likely.

I might go wondering about the Park before work. it's now 8:40. How did this happen?

Carpe diem Muddafuckkas!

Just Breathe, That's The Key...

I think its fair to say that I shouldn't have written anything in the mood I was in yesterday, and I believe that it was almost wholly down to the nightmare that I had had. It was so strange and it brought me to tears, a grown man like me crying because of a bad dream, I know I'm a sap. 

Though, thankfully, there are things in this world that reminded me to have a good day, Innocent Smoothies with Wooly Hats on for instance, and then realising that there are people in this world that put Wooly Hats on Innocent Smoothies.

Wodgey also talked me out of my mental state, which I'm always grateful for.

So, birthday plans. Pill tells me that everyone gets three days - or so he has calculated, though DarkHorse and HB both got a meal, and Tag got a sleepover and a trip to Alton Towers (it was a long way away I suppose). Therefore, apart from Thursday Night Lights, I've been thinking maybe a fancy meal or something Saturday Evening. What do peeps think?

It would appear I'm a bit rubbish at organising things for my own enjoyment. I've decided I'm going to force myself on Tag's hospitality Wednesday for some writing while he enjoys GTA 5 in his underwear. Perhaps I'll make him walk around the forest with me. We'll see what the weather does.

I think my mother is up to something. She keeps asking me when I'm off this week, during the week. So, maybe that's my third thing. She completely stole my 25th birthday's idea for my Father's 60th and my Italian Mother's 50th next year. Hobbit Dance in a Nature Reserve, Hog Roast and everything, and a 110 Guests to match their ages. She was drunk I suppose.

I've been thinking about Christmas a bit as well. And as it is the only guaranteed day off I will get I will not only spend it with you guys, but also with my other family. My mother has told me that she will drive me to yours after our Christmas Morning. And I hear you going, aww but you promised, in my head but you have to remember everyone's Christmas Mornings start differently. 

Traditionally, mine begins at about 5am when my sister can't hold back her excitement and jumps up and down shaking the whole house screaming 'IT'S CHRISTMAS!' And then there'll be presents from Santa and then there's not a breakfast because Christmas Dinner is so filling. Therefore, I shall ask to be driven after Christmas Morning, and I shall hopefully arrive at about the time everyone wants to wake up 8/9am. Alas it means no me for Christmas Eve, but it's a compromise I've got to make. 

We shall see how that goes down.

Today is a new start, Carpe diem...

Flu Dreams...

I think I've got a terrible case of Morning Flu...

Heavy eyes, blocked nose, headache, all the attractive features of death warmed up. But who cares? I've got another day of work ahead of me, and then another, and then I'm off. And in between each I believe I've got plans, how cool is that? I love it when a plan comes together...

So, I was talking to my Mother the other day and she was saying how we could go for a meal next Wednesday, and this got me thinking. Yes we could, ma Famille, and more of ma Famille. What say you? And yes, I am sort of inviting you to something that may or may not happen...

Let me know...

I've got a few grand ideas for my 25th though, and I'm going to put them here, because I'll have won the lottery by then and I'll be able to do all of the below...

I'm thinking either Coopers Field or Roald Dahl Plaza and a big Circus tent will be erected (giggity) there. And that's when all the chairs and table will be placed, and all the food will be put on those tables. There'll be a hog roast with buns and crackling, and there's going to be casks of beer and ale and crates of wine. There'll be lanterns and the trees, or the Torchwood Hub, will be decorated in lights as well, and when the band begins to play all the guests will arrive and be all Hobbity - oh yes, Hobbit Barn Dance Mark-II. Now that's a dream party I think, if a little geeky and somewhat out of the box or not, how many people do this sort of thing?

Of course, money is the helper here.

But all that talk of Hobbits, really makes me want to watch the Lord of the Rings. Everyone keeps mentioning it, but when's it going to happen?! God Damn! (summer in the city - its like verbal masturbation saying it to myself)...

My brother said the best thing to me last night, and it's probably not going to be the same if I tell you now, but let me try...

Mum asked me why I wasn't going to buy you a card, and I said, well Mum, its because your generation messed up the economy so much that my generation doesn't feel the need to buy a piece of paper that will only end up in the bin.

Very wise words from the quick witted giant I think...

Anywho, I've rambled on far too long with this headache I think, Carpe diem to the pain meds!...

Day 9 Of 11...

There's nothing quite like the tiredness you get from 11 Days of working, in my opinion (with the exception and foreknowledge that I haven't ever done anything Wodge is currently going through, and I know we've all got our bad experiences, so ignore me if you will)...

To be fair, I'm almost to the end. Today will be day 9, and it's not a real full time 11 Days, but it has certainly given me the inability to not switch off, so I wake up tired, gain a tremendous sense of deja vu every walk into town, start work, clean up, repeat. 

I don't have a good firm grip of the English language, I've decided. It's more a soft glace in English's direction when ever I open my mouth. I don't know why, but my brain does like to try and over complicate things, a. in life, and b. in the way that I talk. 

Like I was telling Cherry last week, and more for the most part, if you know me, I sound far better in text format than I think I ever will verbally. I've been through a few speech therapies in my life, mostly to remove a stutter and restore some self confidence. It's an odd thing to try and explain, but going from crippling public speaking problems to the job I have now has certainly been quite an existence. 

So just try to understand me if I get my words around the wrong way, or I'm trying to explain something but I'm going the wrong way around it. Some of you already do that, I know. You can understand the nonsense that I drivel sometimes, and for the rest of you, you'll get used to it, and perhaps one day you'll also hear me sneeze. But not too soon, we require some mystery I think.

It's Red's birthday on the weekend and the order to dress up 'Sexy as Fuck' is certainly one I hope to adhere to. And although I shall endevour to accomplish my goal, I shall possibly fall short if everything doesn't arrive before Saturday. We're hitting the town, and before we do there's gonna be fireworks outside the house and down the street. I think a group on Cardiff Bridge watching fireworks from Bute Park would be epic. But I might be wrong. The fires start at 7pm. They're the big people ones. I'm not sure why there are kid ones and adult ones, and the concept even sounds amusing. Perhaps they'll set the car alarms off again they were so big/loud. Apparently it'll be the biggest display in Wales and one of the largest in the UK. I suppose we'll have to see it to believe it...

Have a tremendous day, and I look forward to seeing us all again, Carpe diem...

The Fire Goes Bleep...

The Fire Alarm out in the corridor has been bleeping for almost three days now. You can imagine the psychological effect it's having on everything - except me, because I'm not that weak minded that a bleep every 2, 5, and 10 minutes bothers me (it did disturb me the first half a day it did it, but it's grown on me)...

I feel like I should tell you my rota this week, so you can stalk me and somewhat plan around it so we can all figure out when we're free and somewhat be awesome together:

- Today: 9:30-5:30

- Monday: Off

- Tuesday: 10-7

- Wednesday: Off

- Thursday: 10-7

- Friday: 10-7

- Saturday: 10:30-7:30

Needless to say, my 10-7's are the usual, so I can always meet you guys afterwards and I start late enough in the morning to have enough sleep and everything. 

My Saturday night involved finishing all the TV I've been watching and I finished House of Cards (so good!) and then, when Pill and DarkHorse returned, we started watching The Last Airbender. Turns out, I'd only seen the beginning of it before, oh God! Why did I watch the whole thing?! Pill and DarkHorse went to bed not too far into the poorly paced, scripted, made movie...

My eyes! The horror, the horror!

Anywho, the Sun is now rising, and I've got to get back to proper work. I've not felt right in work for about a week now, unsettled, and unpredictable. I suppose it's because I've not had a proper day of work in about a week. And I've not had Le Lake Poob Grub either. It's been a long week, and it's going to be a longer one now that Red is also going away for work this week. Lucky we had that awesome Drinks/Hitchhikers/Drinks/Lap Dance Week before all of this.

Ah, good times...

Out on the weekend? Of course!

Carpe diem...

I Surrender To The Strawberry Ice Cream...

It's nice to remember specific scenes of your life from a single song lyric...

Like, Friday I bought Saints Row 4, and now it's Monday again. WTF?! Okay, I'm over-exaggerating, but I remember why I started waking up at midday and shit like that now, because I wasn't going to bed until 2-3-4am. It's good to get back into Video Games again, before I have to change consoles to keep up with modern trends...

In actual fact I went on my ever increasingly sparse visits to the Parental Home on Saturday, catching the train wonderfully early in the morning, to be there for 9:30am. And then I spent a large majority of the morning chatting, catching up, making Rice Salad for my mother's 'friend' whose birthday it was that evening. And then we sat down and watched Saturday Kitchen, followed by the F1 Qualifying. Having no where else to go, I sat and watched too. And after that, everyone else either left the room or the house, leaving me by myself with nothing on the telly. And they complain when I'm not there, I turn up do a few things for them, and then they all bugger off! Seriously guys, I was kinda bored. Step it up next time.

Either way, I returned home catching the same train as my sister and her friends, and departed at the station. I was going to meet Red, and then going to have some dinner. Bangers and Mash, Boom Baby! We hungout a bit, chatting, watching the end of an anime series Pill and DarkHorse had been watching, and then the Impossible Game happened. And if you haven't see it already, Red had a go too:

...the sheer frustration on her face, bless. But that FUUUCK really does make the video...

I walked Red to the other side of town and walked back, returning to Saints 4. It's wonderfully good fun. Tentacle Swords, Dubstep Guns, and the Movie References, all make for brilliant laughs and I shan't spoil anything for you, except one line a dying man screamed while I was trying to save the planet from aliens...

Oh God! Tell my wife, I had another wife...

Sunday was mostly spent on the xbox, though once Pill and DarkHorse returned we dinned on cockles and spaghetti and watched the Pirates films, it was a wonderfully lazy, lazy day - and it didn't even rain like it was meant too. And now my washing all smells crap because I dried it indoors. Next weekend I shan't sit around all day, Red brought up the topic of exploring, and it got me urging for more walking around the place. I've got a coat, no weather gonna stop me, and when I return, Saints will be waiting for me...

But first I've got a whole other week to go. About Time on Wednesday, maybe. And Mother made me weigh myself I'm at 17st 10.5lbs (which is still a shocking number, but when you think I started out the year on somewhere closer to 23st, is far more impressive). 

I've also realised that when I'm alone (i.e. when I know no one's coming back here to say 'hi') I'm far more productive than when someone's here. Although, as discussed at length, when I'm alone, I'd be alone - and I think that's something we discovered in First Year. I'm going to have to learn to handle that I reckon.

Sunday's rain appears to be here and now on Monday morning, so please don't mind me as I get soaked on the way to work...

Carpe diem...

My Restful Day Off...

Yesterday was certainly a day of two halves, but before I tell you I must say I hope I slept with my bedroom door open last night, because if I closed it like I usually do, I woke up to it open. Which either means I was followed home, I was visited by a thief who didn't nick anything, or other... (aliens!)

Please let it be my drunken state of leaving the door open...

Anyway, yesterday was meant to be my restful day off, preparing me for the week ahead and all that jazz. Alas (earwax), my Mother thought I sounded upset by something after I phoned her on Friday to find out how my sister did in her Disney interview. Which, let's face it, it was the very last day of my very bad week. I wasn't going to sound happy about anything I don't think. My enthusiasm levels were somewhat drained, but to go so far as concern...

They arrived early in the morning, Pill and DarkHorse had disappeared on their weekend to Carms without me noticing, I must have been engrossed in my writing (which is something I didn't know I did, and now you do), and we went out shopping about the town, I bought Tag's gifts in _______ (*insert relevant shop here*) and traveled all over town, before grabbing a pasty and heading back to mine as the rain began. In M&S Ben told me Mum thought I was depressed which was the only reason they were there, and not to deliver me some shoes (that'll be £50 please). And you can think how that conversation went...

'She thinks you're depressed.'
'What?'
'That's why we're here.'
'Stupid woman.'
'I know.'

But it was good to joke with them, and I got to break the news to Mum (again) that I wouldn't be coming back for Christmas this year. She said okay, but you're still coming for Christmas Eve and morning with us right? She was mainly childish about it when I told her about the pinkie promise (fine, no presents for you!). I said I would be back at some point for Christmas, but her argument 'But Christmas is for family' fell apart when I told her that they were my family too. She even went so far as to invite you all for Christmas Day, which upset my brother and sister a bit. Either way, their visit was cut short when Nat said something in jest and crossed the line, (hey it runs in the family) 'that's what she does, she loves us by cutting us down.' Mum took offence and nearly left the other two here with me. Luckily they got to the car before she did...

The second part of yesterday (bar writing lots) involved a lot of drink. I dressed up sexy (as I always do - You: '*le sigh* waistcoat?', Me: 'WAISTCOAT MUTHAFUCKA!') and hit the town. In actuality I only managed to go to two places, due to having daily commitments today, but I was out for six hours. And I now know Las Iguanas does real Absinthe (well, almost 70%). Either way I drank lots more than every one else, which was 7 cocktails, two doses of the 64% Rum they use in Revs Cuba, a Pint, and a glass of Red wine, all washed down with a nice Spoons Burger. Dancing was had in Spoons, but I didn't like the DJ very much. The music wasn't anything good, and the dance floor was covered in CHAVs trying to get with the girls, and Hen Dos with Massive Penises (think Blue Whale). The group had a bit of fun with Grindr (there's an app for that), and I parted ways pretty early on into the night, which leaves me with the mystery of the open bedroom door. 

Tonight is Date Night (obvs) and I'm not quite sure what's going to happen, but I know it is happening. I look forward to seeing the gang again in a better mood this time (hopefully, there's a whole day yet). 

Carpe diem...

It Comes In Waves...

Well like I say, it comes in waves, but what? you ask...

This week has been quite a peaceful one, my Brother started college, my Sister was in work, my Mother went to Turkey, and my Father was also in work - which was quite out of character. I had the house to myself to get on with Real Magic. Just sit down and properly go over it, start sending it out to people and places.

I even gave a copy to my Job Centre Adviser and she was ecstatic! That was quite alarming, but I was the talk of the Job Centre for my brief visit, and I look forward to seeing if she's read it at all. It was a strange concoction of emotions, I've only ever given it to one other person outside of my friends and he said that it was 'very good and it could be better.' 

So praise, excitement, and pride are definitely on the list, and then there's also worry, and fright keeping me very grounded. Until I get a message back from an Agent saying - 'Yes, we'd like to take you on and sell your book' - then I stay my quiet self (HAHA).

But I keep getting the feeling that Real Magic, now it's almost over, helped me block out the real issues in my mind. While I was lost in my imagination, pretending things were fine, or not if you've read the story, I've been ignoring the rest of the world.

It hit me yesterday, when I was pegging out washing of all things. My sister had a monopoly on the car all week, and I said, at the start of the week, that I wanted it on Saturday. This sparked an argument as she was planning to go to Bristol to shop, by herself might I add. I had another plan I hadn't suggested to people yet, and that was to drive certain parties to Tintern Abbey, as it had been the plan before a while messy situation.

Now, me having not invited the parties yet, as it was Monday, and I thought I'd do it later in the day, meant that my plans were still up in the air. I didn't know whether people would be free or not, I hadn't checked. So Natalie's going to Bristol tomorrow and I'm not going to Tintern Abbey.

The parties in question, you've guessed it, were Dark Horse and HB Sauce. So you can watch as the anger built up in me. I could have started to make amends again, being stunted as you know by the busy day coffee offer in the previous blog, but I couldn't.

And then I saw, later on, that Dark Horse had bought a car, the thought of everyone moving on with their lives weighed on me, as I'm still unable to get a job because no one wants to give me one, and therefore I'm not able to move out, etc.

And then, while pegging out washing, all these thoughts hit me at once, from my Sister's selfishness, to Dark Horse's car (I think it's partly HB's as well, but I don't know where she got the money from), and then I thought - perhaps they'd go to Tintern Abbey by themselves. 

Perhaps they'd go do something I'd suggested, without me, perhaps they'd also go to Warwick Castle as HB suggested, and perhaps visit GG and go to Glastonbury Tor without me as well. It brought a tear to my eye and I broke a few pegs as well. I was so angry, and the whole time I could hear Pill's voice saying - 'You know they'd planned to go for ages, and they went.'

WTF?!

No they hadn't, it was my suggestion, my contribution, and I'd feel very upset if they did it without me. HB and I were talking about Venice a long while before Dark Horse came along, Assassin's Creed 2 saw to that, and then there was the entire European Tour we planned one summer, I've still got the journey map, are you going to claim that they planned all that by themselves as well?! And then he'd go on to say: 'You know, they talk every day, they're best friends.'

ARGH!

And all the while, as I'm saying and thinking that I used to speak everyday, for hours, to HB, and how we were best friends (sorry Clareg, we're best friends as well, you understand), I just feel like I've been replaced. Left out in the cold, with no way of getting back in. 

It's nice to have everyone's support and friendship, it's really nice, and I don't want you guys to ever feel like I've been replacing you, ignoring you, or using you, ever - but know this, and you might understand, it's just not the same without HB. 

I miss all the moments, and all the times, and everything, unique to us. And I fear that she doesn't - also because of something Pill said, but I won't get into that.

It's like if Clareg and I weren't best friends nearly all our lives. He wouldn't have become friendly with Clareyloo earlier on and it might have taken a while longer for them to get together. And I would have been that guy who knew everyone's names and likes and dislikes, but no one would have known me. 

HB gave me someone to really talk to about anything and everything, nearly all times of the day - except the mornings - she hates mornings. 

I miss everything...and now I'm crying, why am I crying?! Come on man, man up! Let's go play L.A. Noire...

Oh...but before I go, I should mention that after the anger and everything, the xbox couldn't distract me, nor cooking, but my Brother put on Dead Poets Society, and I was wonderfully reminded...

Carpe Diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. I should also mention that without Real Magic distracting me, I might be writing more of these, but without it distracting me, you might also get a lot more anger from me. Who knows...