5 Influential Songs...

Its amazing how much animal magnetism I have for menopausal women. While their husbands and grandkids are watching my helicopters, they're watching me. Never before have I felt like the girl who stands next to the fancy car ('Do you come with the car?')...

The final day is here. I get a day off tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and they're gonna be epic. Tonight there's a Halloween gathering at mine and Pills apparently, tis a bit of a rush job, but I got some foodies for it. Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna go home for a Hallow's Eve Belated Gathering of the Big End Crew, and kip at home probs. Saturday, obvs what I'm doing I hope. Fireworks in the Park, getting smashed, and having a good time for Red's Berfday! Sunday, recover, with the chance possibility of a meal for Red's Berfday!

Easy. Now I thought about telling you about 5 songs that I think have influenced my life, or their meaning to me, memories etc. and I'm only doing it for the lolz. Apparently. I don't talk about anything coherent any more so this'll have to do for today...

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Okay so it was late in my teenage years, and it was quite popular and beautiful for obvious reasons. But most people just hear it and picture the first dances at weddings and the charismatic sky when the meteors of the summer cascaded through it. Though, there's only one thing that I picture every time I hear it now, and that's a funeral. Sorry for the downer, but there was a friend I had in school, who was always around the TechLabs, building something or other. He was a couple of years younger than me, and he had an old soul. But that summer, he was the victim of a hit and run, and that summer I can only ever picture his funeral with this song. Just like when I try and say the word solemnity I picture my grandfather's.

Moving on...

All Star - Smash Mouth

A brilliant choice, and perhaps the first time I had learnt all of the lyrics to a song without them being hymns or Christmas Carols/Songs... It also appeared in Digimon Movie, Shrek, and Rat Race (though Rat Race has somewhat become over played nowadays) So what's wrong with taking the back streets?

Come With Us - Can't Stop Won't Stop

A great summery song, though it was summer 2012, and I spent it mostly inside, wondering why life was cruel, and receiving my first rejection letters from publishers, and hearing nothing back from job vacancies and the like. I spent most of that summer with Tag and Cherry watching the Lympics, so things weren't all bad.

The Way I Tend To Be - Frank Turner

Of course Frank had to be on here. He's sort of marked the beginning of a new year and lifestyle for me, moving out, big city life, long summer evenings, wine, cider, drinking, friends, brilliant fun, and a superb 2013. And his music reminds me of Red every time, just like Tarantino and Spaghetti Westerns remind me of Tag, Fairy Tales and Fantasy remind me of Cherry, Halo of Clarey, Purple of Wodgey, and I'm sure the list goes on and on...

How Long Will I Love You - Jon Boden, Sam Sweeney & Ben Coleman

I don't think I've ever experienced anything quite like when we saw About Time, so I'll just leave this here, and hope you agree...

So that was my five. They weren't really overly special (just one or two), but I hope you like them nonetheless. What're yours?

And now for work time. 

See you later, Carpe diem...(same syllables)

It's Only Wednesday...

So, I read something yesterday that seemed to hit the nail on the head and leave a couple of feelings in me, the first being, glad I'm not alone, and the second being things always look greener on the other side. I shan't go into details, but I will say that I told Pill last night that if he moves out of Cardiff, I shan't be going with him. I'm not ready to go back to small town living, no matter how cheap it is. He seemed quiet sad and taken aback by my decision and then went on a rant about how he actually hates this house and how he can't sleep and shit like that. 

I might offer to swap rooms with him as he doesn't like the lights or the noises and the like, but I don't think all his furniture will fit in this room. One of his arguments for me staying with him was to get a bigger place, and I'm not sure that was entirely for my benefit. 

I find it odd that almost all of my friends are thinking of moving somewhere else: Caerphilly, Bath, Italy... Perhaps I'm seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses. I like to think couples love each other and have no problems in the world, I like where I live, but obviously no one else does, and strangely enough I do enjoy most movies. Maybe I just don't have as high standards in some parts of my life as I do with others.

And strangely enough I was in a conversation with someone who moved to Bath and I mentioned that a couple of my friends wanted to move there and they replied that although the pyramids are beautiful, you wouldn't want to live there and lose the magic would you? I thought it was an interesting point. 

Don't you love those little things that make your week go by even quicker and make you think its an awesome day? I had one of those moments last night, and Monday morning. You may remember it was pouring down on Monday, and as I walked to work I turned the corner into St Mary's Street and faced the storm head on. As I passed the Goat Major the rain stopped, the clouds parted slightly, and the Sun rose over the rooftops of Cardiff for the shortest of seconds...

And the second thing happened to me last night as I walked back and Passenger started to play on my iPod as I crossed Cardiff Bridge. I stopped for a short while just listening to the lyrics and watching the river beneath one of those fake lanterns. It was a good moment. 

Have a bodacious day! Carpe diem...

Waking Up Alone... (a working progress, and off the cuff set of lyrics that have no melody just yet and probably won't make sense and sound more poetical than anything)

In the morning light, when it felt so right

I woke up next to you, next to you.

Your warmth in my arms and your thoughts on my pillow,

A perfect moment made of dreams

But recently I've been waking up alone, waking up alone.

Where have you gone? We were special

The thing of dreams, the thing of dreams

(Meh, that's a bit crappy, but this album won't write itself!)

About Time And Other Things...

I don't think I could put into words the emotions and feelings I felt last night, in fact I don't even think I want to share them with you as they were so deep and personal, as I watched Richard Curtis' new film, About Time with my nearest and dearest...

I'm not even going to tell you very much about the film, I just want you to see it, and know that when the credits rolled, I didn't go 'is that it?' I turned to Tag and said, 'I would gladly sit and watch that again right now.' And I don't think I've ever said that about a movie, ever. There are films I could watch to death, but not over and over, so well done About Time. There's just so many perfect moments, wonderfully crafted, and each as beautiful as the next, so wonderfully crafted in fact that I just want Richard Curtis to write my life from now on. I wish I was a charming, bumbling, babbling, fool, with the greatest super power in the world (yes I said it). There's only one or two instances in my life so far that I would want to do over, and do properly, and they're only in the past year. Any before then seem utterly pointless now, and I suppose that's what the movie was essentially all about. 

I know I might see the world a little differently to a lot of you. I see most things with a sense of wonder and awe, which is probably why I like wandering around so much. But it's always words I seem to stumble on. I realised after the movie, that there were questions shooting around in my head, questions I would have normally asked, and been none-the-wiser for the answer. There were things that I could have said, and chose not too, and I think at one point I was actually charming for two-minutes. 

We made our own perfect moment last night, none complained about the cold, and we barely spoke. We just looked out over the marina (mar-in-er) with a sense of adventure, accomplishment, and thoughtful reservation, cocktails in hand, wondering what was out there, and gazing at the underwater beauty only the night time could bring.

I think that might be the most perfect moment, that snippet, that we've ever had. And we have had some perfect moments together. Lounging in the back garden with wine, music, and a midsummer's evening, wandering in the park during a heavy shower, and the countless hours we have comforted and enjoyed each other's company at our favourite haunt. And I wouldn't go back and change a thing, but I would go back and relive them all.

I was even surprised to see a familiar relationship on screen, that just so happens to be one I have with my father. And I wonder, when the time comes, whether I will think 'did he love me if he didn't show it?' The answer is of course, and always will be, 'yes'. 

And before I return to my day-to-day there was something else I wanted to share with you. Something that played before the film, and something so epic, so get-up-and-go, and so tremendously brilliant that I wanted to share it to encourage me to do even better, again. (And Red, I didn't mean to insult you - if I did, you made a face - when I said 'guys, shall we go to university again?' - you were obviously included in the question.)

All in all, I want to say that last night changed my life, and has made me a better person, and I certainly hope that's true. I'll try and shut up a lot more, think about what I'm about to say, and bumble and babble through life as charmingly and as foolishly as I possibly can...

Carpe diem...

Luck's Got Nothing To Do With It...

I am a lucky man. I'm not the luckiest man in the world, but I'm not the most unfortunate either. I haven't won the lottery, I haven't got money, houses, yachts, holidays, Latin American democracies, or fame. But I am a lucky man.

And I think the main reason I feel like this is due to my friends. Some people say I have too many, others wonder how I have time for them all. Well the truth is, I don't. I do have to choose. Some days its you, and other days its you. That's the long and short of it. And I'm not writing this to be an arse, or to say that I've got more friends than you, nah, nah, nah. nah, NAH! I'm writing this to thank you all. 

Whether you've driven me to the ends of the earth, or you've downloaded my favourite movies and music, read everything I've almost ever written, or simply sat there and spent an afternoon with me. I've laughed with you all, cried with some of you, and made you all my special few. I've played sports, video games, board games, party games with almost all of you. I've danced, and sung, and enjoyed myself the entire time. 

We've all had our ups and our downs, I know that my moods do swiftly change, week in and week out, but I'm glad you guys are always there for me. I'm glad in the knowledge, the security, the understanding that we're there for each other, not all the time, but when it matters most of all. 

And I really want to thank you for the decades, years, months, days, just time that we've spent together, and I hold you all in the high of highs. You are my family (and I know my mother will hate me saying that, but you're my family too) and I do actually love you all, old and new. You have completed my life so far, and I hope you continue to do so for decades to come.

Now, let's ignore that sentimental crap and watch this video of the Bennett's year so far (he's been busy)...

Carpe diem...

Everyday? Aww Man...

After being told I should probably write this every day to try and help me remember stuff, here I am 6-days later writing this after I remembered what TAG said about it and record keeping.

And it particularly difficult to write this because I know, and you do, the way I'm feeling right  now. It came as a great shock to me on Sunday when I went to a Pub Quiz with my home friends (we came 3rd if you were wondering) and I discovered that they, or at least some of them, read this - so hello to you, I'm very grateful everyone's getting the message, or at least some of you.

To be honest, at the moment, I feel like the most miserable s.o.b. out there. I know I'm not, but I feel like it. I wake up angry and sad, I go to bed angry and sad and I spend my days keeping my mind busy ignoring the issue as best I can. That would be really good if I wasn't then distracted from the tasks that I wanted to do to distract me by the situation at hand. 

I've lost all appetite for everything: Xbox, movies, alcohol, writing, reading, drawing, cooking, everything, life, blah, blah, blah.

I know everyone knows, I know they can tell. Some people have even started treating me differently and choosing sides. They're treating it like a break-up, as far as I know this isn't a break-up, it can't be, we weren't going out. Some of them are just being so fake, I don't know why, it's weird. Pill is the worst for it at the moment. I think he's the only one who knows both sides of the story, or most of it for the most part.

It's weird. TAG's being the one who's being the most honest at the moment.

Oh, I don't know what to say, I never know what to say or how to say it. I suppose that's why I'm in this situation.

The prospect of running away is always at the forefront of my mind. Just packing a bag and disappearing. Getting lost and coming back a different person, is such a good plan. I hate myself, I've always hated myself. How I am, how I look, the only thing I like is my writing, and that's not even good.

I'm polishing up Real Magic now, that's going to be good, it's going to be very good, and popular.

My Prince's Trust Mentor psycho-analyses me every time I see him. His first inclining of my psyche was that I was trying to get away from something from life perhaps (bearing in mind this was all before the incident) his advice to me was that I should stop running, because I can't out run life. The second time he met me he could see that I was obviously suffering from this incident, and he saw that I was feeling a lot of rejection this month...

...no one wants to employ me, HB doesn't want to see/speak to me, the BBC didn't like my script, and everyone else (for the most part) is acting weird around me...

I'm an outcast at the moment. Just floating through life.

My Job Centre Adviser has every hope in me, she's brilliant as well. It's odd, but the Prince's Trust and the Job Centre have inadvertently listened to me and asked me questions allowing me to see how to proceed.

I love my friends, but they might be a little close to the situation to try and help. Pill says talk, it's good to talk - no, I didn't want to talk, I still don't want to talk - not about this, not to anyone else but her. It's our business, and it's too public. And TAG, he didn't ask anything, and I didn't want to say anything, but I don't know what it is about him, but I opened up, I told him everything Pill pried from me.

He was a listener, he took it all in, and I'm glad for it. I really am, I'm glad for all of them, except maybe Dark Horse who has chosen to not treat me as a friend as I think she's already 'chosen her side'. 

I've had enough. I'm not going to run any more. I'm going to be as stubborn as ever, but in the other way. I will not stop until we've discussed this. I'm not going to just roll over and scream at nothing again. I'm going to fix this, and we will be friends again - I admit that we might not be as close as we were - but we're going to become close again.

I've had enough, I'm not going to stop until I've stopped feeling like this. 

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers!...

P.S. Btw, that was a positive blog. Not bad, not bad.

P.S.S. Advice for my friends - or at least friends who know both me and HB - watch 'Failure to Launch', it's on Netflix at the moment - it might give you a few ideas...

The Rain In Spain...

I know, I know, I've been neglecting you again. I suppose there's no real excuse this time except to say that I'm distracted, though I might tell you about that later...

How're you? I trust you're well.

Things in my world are a little topsy turvy at the moment, well they may seem normal to you but its just feeling very weird and unstable to me. Things move fast and slow all at once, and nothing seems to be happening to me. Life just continues, and at the moment I'm an observer, I've been knocked off the path my some inconsiderate driver and I'm waiting for the Roadside Saviour to come along and help me.

Okay enough of the analogies, if anyone's going to help me, then it's going to be me more than anyone else. 'Always look out for Number One' my Mother says. It just seems too cut-throat and cruel to be true - but then I here about murders and suicides and fires on the news every evening and realise that this world really isn't as nice as I like to think it is.

But saying that, I'm no pushover myself. Or I like to think so, if you have anything to say on the matter then by all means leave a comment down below - I'd love to know what you think.

Last week was a busy time, a surprise birthday rendezvous for HB Sauce's birthday went off quite well I think - many incidents occurred and I hope HB enjoyed herself - after all that's all that matters, it was her birthday after all. People still call me a 'mug' (Hi Master) and I suppose I am, but it was a nice trip out either way - or at least I thought so anyway.

Driving is going well. I'm not quite the King of the Road just yet, but I think I can competently drive from my house to Wildmill and back without much problem (which is where I am in my learning by the way). I do need to brush up on my Highway Code though.

I've applied for a job at a well known superstore, thanks to HB's Aunt and Cousin who offered to get me a form and take it in for me. It might be an odd thing to you (I know what you're thinking) but I appreciated it all the same.

And it would seem, why all this was happening, and while Wales missed out on the Rugby World Cup Final, I found myself distracted, in the middle of it all just looking in, feeling lost, unwanted, and lonely. I don't know why - it's just this odd feeling I get every now and then. It's really quite stupid, but when I go a couple of days without seeing anyone except my family I feel that everyone else has gone away and they'll forget about me. And as I write this I realise that I have some similarities to the Dog herself (Yes Poppy, I mean you, stop tilting your head as if you know what I'm on about).

So this rut I'm stuck in better get out of my way, because I plan on powering through. And this self-therapy is definitely going to get me there.

Oooh, I just realised that my 100th Blog is coming up and I think I should do something special to mark my first century of blogs. Any suggestions?

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

Sunshine, Tennis, and Nothing Much Else...

Yep, I've been my least productive since, well, ever.

I don't think I've ever been this lazy. I'm always thinking about doing things, but right now I'm eating things I don't want to, my Vin Dieseling has certainly taken a step back, things I should have been writing I haven't been writing (like this), things I've been thinking about writing I've not been writing, and things that have planned to be written haven't been written. I've also not done a lot of living, preparing for this Italian holiday of mine, and I've been eating far too much, even in my opinion!

I wondered where I got the weight from, that would be my mother's cooking, and her insistence on seconds. And she wonders why she wont lose weight! I think I've expanded by just being here - I hope my suit still fits. Its only been a week since I bought it.

My room is now looking less of a storage space, but it's still not far off one, and I've even found that xbox seems like a chore - which is something I never want to say again. I say it now, because I don't mean it. Every time I get on the Xbox there always seems to be something I have to go do, right at that moment.

I'm busier now at home than I was at university, its annoying, and giving me a headache - which, yet again, came back yesterday and surprised me with an entire left brain explosion of pain.

Though at least I got to watch the Tennis - that was good. And I should watch Camelot before Stolen tonight on BBC 1 with Damian Lewis!

I also really want to write something good. I've been worrying about the future today. After my holiday its CVs, Driving Lessons, and the Big Wide World. Hopefully writing will take my mind off things and keep me active.

Perhaps I'll write the Panto for the winter time. And the Tv Series for next year, with a few friends.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

The 2.2 of Disappointment...

Q: Hello sir, I'd like to ask you five questions concerning your degree. Do you mind?

A: No, not at all.

Q: Okay, here goes. Why did you do your degree?

A: Well I originally did my degree because I didn't know it existed. I saw the course title 'Creative Writing' and thought, that could be good. Though of course I should have taken history like the Stanford Test suggested, but I didn't want a test telling me what to do with my life when I didn't know what to do with my life. And it was by sheer chance and my perversion that I chose to study Creative Writing at Trinity. It had the prettier girls.

Q: How did you feel when you received your 2.2?

A: Well I wasn't best pleased, to put it lightly, after all I was expecting everyone to receive 2.1's and do exceptional in the things that we hadn't received the marks in yet. So yes, I was very disappointment and annoyed at myself. I was actually annoyed with plenty of other people on my course as well. Those less deserving than I, I thought. Very pretentious of me. Though what else am I going to think when those in question don't buy the books, don't turn up to lectures, and don't do their work in time? And I work my hardest, the hardest I've ever worked for academia, and I come up under where I want to be. It makes you think that you shouldn't try so hard for something, if it doesn't come naturally then it won't come at all. Though saying all these negative things I am really proud of those people who did get higher than me, and I am proud of those people because I know they worked for it as hard as I did. I am proud.

Q: Where do you think you went wrong?

A: What sort of question is that? Though I suppose if I were to answer it, I would say that I did not interact in class enough, I did not talk to my lecturers after receiving marks back, to see where I was going wrong, and I did not read enough. So if that was the case then I'm sure I wasn't cut out of academia.

Q: What will you be doing now?

A: I don't actually know. I don't think I'll be doing any proper work until after I come back from my holiday in a couple of weeks. Though if I were to answer properly, at the moment I'm in the process of writing a screenplay with a few friends of mine, I am leading a team of writer so that we might develop and create a Zombie Apocalypse in Carmarthen, and I'm also waiting to hear back from the Cardiff International Poet of the Year Competition among other competitions I've entered. So all I've got to do is keep writing, and I'm sure something will come from it. Though, as for my personal progression, I will be learning Italian, learning how to drive, and getting much fitter and Vin Diesel like.

Q: Okay good, good, one final question. Would you do it all again? The same way? Everything?

A: Yes. Simply yes, there's no doubt about it. Though I'm definitely sure that there would be things I'd change. If not the marks, but definitely the occasions when I needed to be more of a man and the ones where I just needed to be a person. Perhaps if I'd done what I thought about doing during those occasions then perhaps I'd be more of an emotionally acceptable person. But that's just perhaps.

So yes, I got a 2.2. I am now a Bachelor of Arts with Honours. And I've finally gotten over myself and would like to congratulate everyone I know. And I would also like to announce that I am incredibly proud of HB Sauce for her 2.1. I can think of no one more deserving. Well done, even though I know you won't read this.

So without university I wouldn't have done this blog, and with it you've witnessed the emotional madness that is my mind. I wouldn't change who I am, who I've befriended, or who I love, even though I know some of them would.

But that's me, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Just a quick question to see who is still reading this 66 Posts on. If you could change one aspect of my life, what would it be? I know the question is about me, but meh, it's my blog.