The Return...

Well that was a nice break from the thoughts...

My worry for my future and my distractions from the real world (i.e. Real Magic and my 'art') seemed to quell them for a little while. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what thoughts, but they're there and flooding back.

I'm worrying again about things beyond my control...I know I can try and do something else, but I'm sure you'd agree that I've fucked things up before, and I'm bound to do it again...

I realised today that I say some stupid things, unintentionally, when it comes to her. I tried to be comforting and encouraging but that turned into a conversation about employment that I don't think was helpful at all. Then DarkHorse wades in and offers to read over cover letters and things...

WHY DIDN'T I SAY THAT?!

Damn I'm such a moron. This holiday is going to be good. Everything is going to be set back to zero. Friendships renewed...to quote Tag (fyi I will come to yours for Christmas if you set it up. I won't be able to go home afterwards and mum will burn all my stuff in the garden, but I'll come to yours.)

I know I should stop worrying about this, its not my problem, I'm not required anymore, but I can't stop thinking.

Things are moving forward, so why is my mind determined to drag me down again?

I felt a bit odd today when I found out that Cherrybelly had spent a good two hours in a bookshop with her. God damn it! I'm not allowed to have these thoughts/feelings...

I don't think its going to go away anytime soon. I was being a tit at her birthday too. Oh why am I a stupid fucker?!

I practised how to smile earlier. Seriously, practised how to smile! And you know why? Because I was invited to a party by her aunt, and she could have been there. Why was I practising how to smile for fuck sake?!

We're friends aren't we? Oh I don't know...

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...

P.S. Tag? If you and Cherry want, I could see if you could come here if the Flat Christmas doesn't happen at Christmas...