The One With Mental Disorders...

I had yet another bad night's sleep last night...

I'm actually amazed that I haven't complained about all the sleeplessness/restlessness here before. Last night was a particularly rough one, as my dreams started off with a rather embarrassing scene involving me in a church, during a wedding, and I wasn't the groom...

I hope you can see where this is going, because, needless to say, there was embarrassment and a rather cliffhanger ending, though I think I know how it would have ended. 

This then led on to a dream whereby our car was being sized up by thieves in our driveway. Upon me seeing this, I confronted them and was then confronted with a knife. As you can imagine, it wasn't a pleasant experience. I slammed the front door and locked it. My brother had phoned the police, but the swines got away before they arrived. 

It was those two events of my mind that led to yet another disturbed night.

This all amounts to a tremendous amount of anxiety on my part. A brilliant day in limbo, and I should add that my father thinks I'm either suicidal or schizophrenic. Both topics he apparently takes quite seriously. I understand the suicide one - context to follow - but he blamed the schizophrenic idea on my mother. It all spans from an employment talk we had, to which I said (apparently) that suicide was the next option...

I don't remember saying that, ever. Maybe it was a joke gone wrong on my deaf father. Though I suppose when you see suicide, the way Dad does I suppose jokes about it are no joking matter.

Context: about twenty years ago, Dad's Best Friend - also named Nigel - took his own life. He was a stockbroker or something, and it was yet another recession time. Not a good time indeed.

Dad also worried, quite early on in Clareg and I's friendship that one day one of us might go that way as well. I think that was purely because of a similarity. He hasn't mentioned it since...probably because I was about twelve at the time. 

5-days down, 2 to go. Fingers crossed.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...