I Feel Used...

Yep, it's one of those posts...

As you know, mainly because I keep bringing this up, HB and I are still in some sort of situation...apparently. She might have moved on, but I'm still here wondering why and how? WTF happened?

She still doesn't return texts, which is especially difficult as we were arranging lifts to the airport with each other's parents. I'm quite surprised that she didn't say to me that her Dad was giving her a lift, and left it at that. I don't know, it's a month away, everyone's busy as hell - myself included - and I just don't hangout with anyone anymore. 

Uni life was great, I was living with friends, and we got to hangout every single day, and since then the only times that feeling has reoccurred have been when visiting said friends or when HB invited me over or came over mine for days at a time.

Am I being stupid or is this whole thing a little odd?

If she had those feelings before the events of the night I can't remember, then she never told me about them. She always called me her Best Friend, and everything, but now when we occasionally talk, because we're in the same place, it always seems a bit hollow and fake. 

Has anyone else noticed?

I finally twigged the other day, when I was over Pill's a while back I said that I felt used, but I couldn't explain why, and then when I was over Cherrybelly's and Tags a while later, Cherrybelly used the word 'used' as well. Was I being used the whole time? Was there nothing really there from her point of view? She always called herself a bitch, but I never believed it, I still don't.

...FYI I have quite a high bitch standard, and HB never even got on the scale...

Was she just using me for companionship until someone else came along or something? Well, as you might remember from a few posts ago, and I know you're reading this religiously because I recently surpassed 3000 views on this blog (YAY me), I had the pleasure of playing Borderlands 2 with her on the weekend. She had invited everyone else, and it was just happenstance that she and I were the only two to have the game, and were thus placed together by the offer. Anyway, that seemed nice enough.

A few days later she even sent me a message on Xbox saying 'help :(' and I was a few levels higher, and assisted her, stopping my own game.

I had a bit of a busy week, and I was unable to play the game a bit, but I discovered yesterday, that I needed some assistance, and invited her to join my party - that was Xbox talk right there. A few deaths later, still nothing, so I did it a final time, and I was still met with silence.

Mixed messages, double standards, the whole shabang. Anyway, I plodded along and eventually overcame my hardship, and was invited to help GG's counterpart complete a few missions as well.

But I don't know, what do you think I should do? Tag's apologise idea, went down the toilet months ago, and it was particularly hard hitting when you find that you don't know what you're apologising for, and when you realise that you're apologising for liking her it seems very stupid.

I can't help it can I, so suggestions are very much welcome. We go to Venice in November. You have your time limit.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...