Hmm...

Well I was hoping to say something more positive this time, but all I can think manage is that I miss her...

She might not want to here it, but I really do, I miss her. There was an ounce of hope for me when I caught a lift back with her from Dark Horse's. It certainly saved me some cash, but what it did give me was opportunity.

Yeah about an hour's worth of opportunity that I used to do nothing with, much to the relief of all of you I'm sure.

I've been trying to focus on Real Magic, I'm finding that I like it more and more with every draft - I hope others do as well, but I think the one reason why I like it more and more is because I know HB is a part of it. It's an adventure that we're all a part of, like we're friends again. 

I am a mental.

I don't know, this just really hurts. And I'm refusing to let this die. I was told today that everyone was under the impression that HB and I were dating - is this true? Did everyone really think that?

Which might explain my current predicament. 

But if we were dating, then why didn't anyone tell us? And for that matter, if this is a break up, they why didn't we have a relationship like that?!

I just want my friend HB back. I just want to be able to invite her to the cinema without her looking at the text and then ignoring it. I want to be able to go shopping in Cardiff with her, I want to hang out, I want to spend time with someone who wanted to spend time to me. She invited me out as often as I invited her.

And then I get a piece of advice from Pill. 'If you want HB and you to be friends again, just get a girlfriend.'

Oh yeah, simple as anything isn't it?

The one thing being that I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I never have been. I just meet people I like, people I may even love. I never look for them - it just happens.

But really, why I'm writing any of this is not to complain, or get sympathy. I just want to be able to remember how I felt, I want to know how I feel. At the moment it's certainly a mixed array of things. 

I think it would make me feel better if I knew that she was feeling the same way, but I fear that she isn't. 

I don't know.

Carpe diem, until next time bloggers...